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70 Chapter 4 Verbal Messages

our messages normally occur in “packages” consisting of both verbal and nonverbal
Ysignals (Pittenger, Hockett, & Danehy, 1960). Usually, verbal and nonverbal behaviors
reinforce, or support, each other. For example, you don’t usually express fear with words
while the rest of your body relaxes. You don’t normally express anger with your face while
your words are warm and cheerful. Your entire being works as a whole—verbally and
nonverbally—to express your thoughts and feelings. At other times, the verbal and nonverbal
messages contradict each other; you say you enjoyed the meal but eat very little or you say
you’re happy to meet someone but avoid eye contact. Regardless of whether verbal and
nonverbal messages support or contradict each other, they occur together.
This chapter focuses on the verbal message system: the system’s key principles, the con-
cepts of confirmation and disconfirmation, and the ways you can use verbal messages most
effectively. The next chapter will examine the nonverbal message system.

principles of Verbal Messages

Your verbal messages, of course, rely on the rules of grammar; you can’t just make up sounds
or words or string words together at random and expect to be understood. But following the
rules of grammar is not enough to achieve effective communication. Here we look at eight
principles to help you understand how verbal messages work.

Message Meanings are in PeoPle
Do women communicate different To discover the meaning a person is trying to communicate, it’s necessary to look into the
messages when they change their person as well as the words. The word cancer, for example, will mean something very differ-
names to their husband’s, when ent to a mother whose child has just been diagnosed with cancer and to an oncologist.
they hyphenate their birth name Also recognize that, as you change, you also change the meanings you created out of past
with their husband’s, or when they messages; although the message sent may not have changed, the meanings you created from
retain their birth name? Check out
“Names” at tcbdevito.blogspot it yesterday and the meanings you create today may be quite different. Yesterday, when a spe-
.com. How do you feel about this cial someone said, “I love you,” you created certain meanings. But today, when you learn that
topic? Do men and women view the same “I love you” was said to three other people, you drastically change the meaning you
this similarly or differently? derive from those three words.

Messages are Denotative anD Connotative
When you speak, you use verbal messages both denotatively and connotatively. Denotation
has to do with the objective meaning of a term, the meaning you would find in a dictionary.
Explore the Concept
“Verbal Communication” at It’s the meaning that people who share a common language assign to a word. Connotation is
MyCommunicationLab the subjective or emotional meaning that specific speakers or listeners give to a word. Take as
an example the word migrants (used to designate Mexicans coming
into the United States to better their economic condition) with the
word settlers (meaning Europeans who came to the United States for
the same reason) (Koppelman, 2005). Though both terms describe es-
sentially the same activity (and are essentially the same denotatively),
they differ widely in their connotations, with the former often nega-
tively evaluated and the latter often positively valued.
Semanticist S. I. Hayakawa (Hayakawa & Hayakawa, 1989)
coined the terms snarl words and purr words to clarify further the
distinction between denotation and connotation. Snarl words are
highly negative: “She’s an idiot,” “He’s a pig,” “They’re a bunch of
losers.” Purr words are highly positive: “She’s a real sweetheart,” “He’s
a dream,” “They’re the greatest.” Snarl and purr words, although they
may sometimes seem to have denotative meaning and to refer to the
“real world,” are actually connotative in meaning. These terms do not
describe objective realities but rather express the speaker’s feelings
about people or events.