Page 94 - Essentials of Human Communication

Principles of Verbal Messages 73

CoMMuniCating ethiCally

lying

Lying occurs when you try to make others believe something is true that
you believe is untrue (Ekman, 2009; Knapp, 2007; Burgoon & Hoobler, 2002).
You can lie by commission (i.e., by making explicitly false statements) or by
omission (i.e., by omitting relevant information, thus allowing others to
draw incorrect inferences). Similarly, you can lie verbally (e.g., in speech or
writing) or nonverbally (e.g., wearing an innocent facial expression instead ethical Choice point
of acknowledging the commission of some wrong, or nodding knowingly Of course, not all lies are easy to classify as ethical or unethical. For exam-
instead of expressing honest ignorance) (O’Hair, Cody, & McLaughlin, 1981). ple, what would you do in each of these situations?
Lies range from “white lies” and truth stretching to lies that form the basis
of relationship infidelity, libel, and perjury. Not surprisingly, lies have ethical ● Would it be ethical for you to lie to get what you deserve but couldn’t
get any other way? For example, would it be ethical to lie to get a
implications. well-earned promotion or a raise?
Some lies may be considered ethical lies, lies that are commonly
accepted by society as harmless, right, and even as having some good ● Would it be ethical for you to lie to your relationship partner to avoid a
effects (e.g., lying to a child to protect a fantasy belief in Santa Claus or the conflict and, perhaps, splitting up? Would it make a difference if the is-
tooth fairy, or publicly agreeing with someone to enable the person to sue was a minor one (e.g., you were late for an appointment because
save face). Some ethical lies may even be considered to be required you wanted to see the end of the football game) or a major one (e.g.,
(e.g., lying to protect someone from harm or telling the proud parents continued infidelity)?
that their child is beautiful). Other lies are clearly unethical, for example, ● Would it be ethical for you to lie to get yourself out of an unpleasant
lying to defraud investors, to falsely accuse someone of a crime, or to situation? For example, would it be ethical to lie to get out of an
slander someone. unpleasant date, an extra office chore, or a boring conversation?

Video Choice point
Homecoming Party
Margo and Luis have been good friends for several years. Recently, Luis asked Margo to go
with him to the homecoming party at their school. Margo isn’t sure what this invitation means—are they
going as friends, is this a date, does Luis want to change their relationship from friendship to romance? Margo
wants to resolve this ambiguity and uncertainty and find out Luis’s intentions without jeopardizing their
friendship. She considers the topics covered in this chapter as she contemplates her communication choices.
See how her choices play out in the video “Homecoming Party”.
Watch the Video “Homecoming Party” at MyCommunicationLab

polite and more indirect in giving orders than are men; they are more likely to say, for exam-
ple, “it would be great if these letters could go out today” than “Have these letters out by
three.” Men are more likely to be indirect when they express weakness, reveal a problem, or
admit an error. Generally, men will speak indirectly when expressing meanings that violate
the masculine stereotype (e.g., messages of weakness or doubt or incompetence). Women’s
greater politeness is also seen in the finding that women express empathy, sympathy, and
supportiveness more than men. Women also apologize more than men, and both women and
men make most of their apologies to women.

Politeness Online Internet communication has very specific rules for politeness, called
netiquette (Kallos, 2005). Much as the rules of etiquette provide guidance in communicating
in social situations, the rules of netiquette provide guidance in communicating online, and
they concern everyone using computer-mediated communication (CMC). These rules are
helpful for making Internet communication more pleasant and easier and also for achieving
greater personal efficiency. As you review these guidelines think of how you might apply