Page 97 - Essentials of Human Communication

76 Chapter 4 Verbal Messages

teSt yourSelf

how assertive are your Messages?

Indicate how true each of the following statements is about your own communication. Respond instinctively
rather than in the way you feel you should respond.
Use a scale on which 5 = always or almost always true; 4 = usually true; 3 = sometimes true, sometimes false;
2 = usually false; and 1 = always or almost always false.
_____ ➊ I would express my opinion in a group even if it contradicted the opinions of others.
_____ ➋ When asked to do something that I really don’t want to do, I can say no without feeling guilty.

_____ ➌ I can express my opinion to my superiors on the job.
_____ ➍ I can start up a conversation with a stranger on a bus or at a business gathering without fear.
_____ ➎ I voice objection to people’s behavior if I feel it infringes on my rights.

HOw DiD yOu DO? All five items in this test identify characteristics of assertive communication. So high
scores (say about 20 and above) would indicate a high level of assertiveness. Low scores (say about 10 and
below) would indicate a low level of assertiveness.
wHat will yOu DO? The remaining discussion in this section clarifies the nature of assertive communica-
tion and offers guidelines for increasing your own assertiveness. These suggestions can help you not only to
increase your assertiveness but also, when appropriate, to reduce your aggressive tendencies.

Realize that, as with many other aspects of communication, there will be wide cultural
differences when it comes to assertiveness. For example, the values of assertiveness are more
likely to be extolled in individualist cultures than in collectivist cultures. Assertiveness will be
valued more by those cultures that stress competition, individual success, and independence.
It will be valued much less by those cultures that stress cooperation, group success, and inter-
dependence of all members. U.S. students, for example, are found to be significantly more
assertive than Japanese and Korean students (Thompson, Klopf, & Ishii, 1991; Thompson &
Klopf, 1991). Thus, for a given situation, assertiveness may be an effective strategy in one
culture but would create problems in another. Assertiveness with an elder in many Asian and
Hispanic cultures may be seen as insulting and disrespectful.
Most people are nonassertive in particular situations. If you’re one of these people, and
if you wish to modify your behavior, here are some suggestions for communicating assertive-
ness (Windy & Constantinou, 2005; Bower & Bower, 2005). (If you are always nonassertive
and are unhappy about this, then you may need to work with a therapist to change your
behavior.)

● Describe the problem; don’t evaluate or judge it. We’re all working on this advertising
project together. You’re missing half our meetings and you still haven’t produced your first
report. Be sure to use I-messages and to avoid messages that accuse or blame the
Communication other person.
Choice point
Criticizing ● State how this problem affects you; tell the person how you feel. My job depends on
the success of this project, and I don’t think it’s fair that I have to do extra work to
You’re supervising a group of make up for what you’re not doing.
five interns who have been doing just about
nothing. You don’t want to discourage them ● Propose solutions that are workable and that allow the person to save face. Describe
or criticize them too harshly, but at the same or visualize the situation if your solution were put into effect. If you can get your
time you have to get them to do some report to the group by Tuesday, we’ll still be able to meet our deadline. I could give
work. What are some of the things you can say you a call on Monday to remind you.
to help turn this group around? What are some ● Confirm understanding. It’s clear that we can’t produce this project if you’re not
of the things you should probably avoid saying?
going to pull your own weight. Will you have the report to us by Tuesday?