Page 93 - Essentials of Human Communication

72 Chapter 4 Verbal Messages

the behavior of liars One of the more interesting questions about lying is how liars
behave. Do they act differently from those telling the truth? And, if they do act differently,
how can we tell when someone is lying? These questions are not easy to answer, and we are
far from having complete answers to them. But we have learned a great deal.
For example, after an examination of 120 research studies, the following behaviors were
found to most often accompany lying (DePaulo, et al., 2003; Knapp, 2008):
Here’s a somewhat different take ● Liars hold back. They speak more slowly (perhaps to monitor what they’re saying), take
on deception detection—this one longer to respond to questions (again, perhaps monitoring their messages), and generally
in the area of real estate—at give less information and elaboration.
tcbdevito.blogspot.com.
● Liars make less sense. Liars’ messages contain more discrepancies, more inconsistencies.
● Liars give a more negative impression. Generally, liars are seen as less willing to be
cooperative, smile less than truth-tellers, and are more defensive.
Communication
Choice point ● Liars are tense. The tension may be revealed by their higher pitched voices and
Confronting a lie their excessive body movements.
You ask about the previous It is very difficult to detect when a person is lying and when a person is telling
night’s whereabouts of your romantic part- the truth. The hundreds of research studies conducted on this topic find that in most
ner of two years and are told something instances people judge lying accurately in less than 60 percent of the cases, only
you’re almost certain is false. You don’t want slightly better than chance (Knapp, 2008).
to break up the relationship over this, but Lie detection is even more difficult (that is, less accurate) in long-standing
you do want the truth and an opportunity romantic relationships—the very relationships in which the most significant lying
to resolve the problems that contributed to occurs (Guerrero, Andersen, & Afifi, 2007). One important reason for this is the
this situation. What are some of the things you truth bias: we assume that the person is telling the truth. This truth bias is especially
might say? What are some things you’d defi-
nitely avoid saying? strong in long-term relationships where it’s simply expected that each person tells
the truth (Knapp, 2008).

Messages vary in POliteness
It will come as no surprise that messages vary greatly in politeness. Polite messages (such as
compliments or pats on the back reflect positively on the other person (contributing to posi-
tive face). They also respect the other person’s right to be independent and autonomous, as
when you ask permission or acknowledge the person’s right to refuse (contributing to nega-
tive face needs). Impolite messages (criticism or negative facial expressions) attack our needs
to be seen positively and to be autonomous.

Politeness and Directness Direct messages are usually less polite than indirect mes-
sages: “Write me a recommendation,” “Lend me $100.” Indirectness—”Do you think you
could write a recommendation for me?” “Would it be possible to lend me $100?”—is often
more polite because it allows the person to maintain autonomy and provides an acceptable
way for the person to refuse your request.
Indirect messages allow you to express a desire without insulting or offending anyone;
they allow you to observe the rules of polite interaction. So instead of saying, “I’m bored
with this group,” you say, “It’s getting late and I have to get up early tomorrow.” Instead
of saying, “This food tastes like cardboard,” you say, “I just started my diet.” In each
instance you’re stating a preference but are saying it indirectly so as to avoid offending
Communication someone.
Choice point The differences between direct and indirect messages may easily create misun-
rejecting Directly derstandings. For example, a person who uses an indirect style of speech may be
A colleague at work contin- doing so to be polite and may have been taught this style by his or her culture. If you
ues to ask you for a date, but you’re just not assume, instead, that the person is using indirectness to be manipulative, because
interested. You’ve used every polite excuse your culture regards it so, then miscommunication is inevitable.
in the book and now feel you have to be
more direct and more assertive. What can Politeness and gender There are considerable gender differences in politeness
you do to stop these requests but not insult your (Tannen, 1994b, Holmes, 1995; Kapoor, Hughes, Baldwin, & Blue, 2003; Dindia &
colleague?
Canary, 2006). Among the research findings are, for example, that women are more