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Principles of Nonverbal Communication 95

TAble 5.2 ten Nonverbal Messages and attractiveness
Here are ten nonverbal messages that help communicate your attractiveness and ten that will probably do the opposite
(Andersen, 2004; Riggio & Feldman, 2005).
Do but Don’t
Gesture to show liveliness and animation in ways that are Gesture for the sake of gesturing or gesture in ways that may
appropriate to the situation and to the message. prove offensive to members of other cultures.
Nod and lean forward to signal that you’re listening and are Go on automatic pilot, nodding without any coordination with
interested. what is being said or lean so forward that you intrude on the
other’s space.
Smile and otherwise show your interest, attention, and positive- Overdo it; inappropriate smiling is likely to be perceived
ness facially. negatively.

Make eye contact in moderation. Stare, ogle, glare, or otherwise make the person feel that he or
she is under scrutiny.
Touch in moderation when appropriate. Touch excessively or too intimately. When in doubt, avoid
touching.
Use vocal variation in rate, rhythm, pitch, and volume to Fall into the pattern in which, for example, your voice goes up
communicate your enthusiasm and involvement in what you’re and down, up and down, up and down without any relationship
saying. to what you’re saying.
Use silence to listen at least the same amount of time as you Listen motionlessly or in ways that suggest you’re only listening
speak. Show that you’re listening with appropriate facial reac- half-heartedly.
tions, posture, and back-channeling cues, for example.
Stand reasonably close to show connectedness. Exceed the other person’s comfort zone.

Present a pleasant smell and be careful to camouflage the Overdo the cologne or perfume.
onions, garlic, or smoke that you may be so used to you don’t
notice.

Dress appropriately to the situation. Wear clothing that is uncomfortable or that calls attention to
itself and hence away from your message.

● To be believed, you might use focused eye contact, a firm stance, and open gestures.
● To excuse failure, you might look sad, cover your face with your hands, and shake your
head.
● To secure help by indicating helplessness, you might use open hand gestures, a puzzled
look, and inept movements.
● To hide faults, you might wear flattering clothing or makeup.
● To be followed, you might dress the part of a leader or display your diploma or awards
where others can see them.
● To confirm self-image and to communicate it to others, you might dress in certain ways or
decorate your apartment with things that reflect your personality.

NONverbal Messages help FOrM relatIONshIps
Much of your relationship life is lived nonverbally. You communicate affection, support, and
love, in part at least, nonverbally (Floyd & Mikkelson, 2005). At the same time, you also
communicate displeasure, anger, and animosity through nonverbal signals.
You also use nonverbal signals to communicate the nature of your relationship to another
person, and you and that person communicate nonverbally with each other. These signals that
communicate your relationship status are known as “tie signs”: They indicate the ways in which