Page 55 - Essentials of Human Communication

34 CHapTer 2 Perception of Self and Others

● Consider the appropriateness of the self-disclosure. Self-disclosure should be appropriate
to the context and to the relationship between you and your listener. Before making any
Explore the Exercise “The significant self-disclosure, ask whether this is the right time (Do you both have the time
Timing of Self Disclosures” at to discuss this at the length it requires?) and place (Is the place free of distractions? Is it
MyCommunicationLab
private?). Ask, too, whether this self-disclosure is appropriate to the relationship. Gener-
ally, the more intimate the disclosure, the closer the relationship should be. It’s probably
best to resist making intimate disclosures (especially negative ones) with nonintimates or
with casual acquaintances, or in the early stages of a relationship.
● Consider the disclosures of the other person. During your disclosures, give the other
person a chance to reciprocate with his or her own disclosures. If the other person
Communication does not reciprocate, reassess your own self-disclosures. It may be that for this
Choice point person at this time and in this context, your disclosures are not welcome or appro-
Corrective priate. For example, if you reveal your romantic mistakes to a friend and your
Self-Disclosure friend says nothing or reveals only the most minor details, it may be a cue to stop
When you met your current disclosing. Generally, it’s best to disclose gradually and in small increments so you
partner—with whom you want to spend can monitor your listener’s responses and retreat if they’re not positive enough.
the rest of your life—you minimized the ex- ● Consider the possible burdens self-disclosure might entail. Carefully weigh the
tent of your romantic history. You now want potential problems that you may incur as a result of your disclosure. Can you
to come clean and disclose your “sordid” past afford to lose your job if you disclose your prison record? Are you willing to risk
and need to preface this in some way. What relational difficulties if you disclose your infidelities? Are you willing to post on
kinds of feedforward might you use? Through
what channels? What would you say? Facebook those images of you partying that a graduate school admissions officer
or a prospective employer is likely to see?

guIDelIneS fOr fACIlItAtIng AnD reSpOnDIng
tO OtHerS’ DISClOSureS

Watch the Video “Friends” When someone discloses to you in person or through a social media site, it’s usually a sign of
at MyCommunicationLab trust and affection. In carrying out this most important receiver function, keep the following
guidelines in mind:
● Support and reinforce the discloser. Express support for the person during and after the
disclosures. Make your supportiveness clear through your verbal and nonverbal re-
sponses: Maintain eye contact, lean toward the speaker, ask relevant questions, and echo
the speaker’s thoughts and feelings. Try to refrain from judgment. Concentrate on under-
standing and empathizing with the discloser.
● Be willing to reciprocate (generally). When you make relevant and appropriate disclosures
of your own in response to another’s disclosures, you’re demonstrating your understand-
ing of that person’s meanings and at the same time your willingness to communicate on a
meaningful level—although you have no obligation to do so.
● Keep the disclosures confidential. If you reveal confidential disclosures, negative effects
are inevitable. But most important, betraying a confidence is unfair; it debases what could
be and should be a meaningful experience. Generally, the netiquette rule to not pass on
e-mails to a third party without permission is a useful one for self-disclosure generally.
● Don’t use the disclosures against the person. Many self-disclosures expose some
kind of vulnerability. If you later turn around and use a disclosure against some-
Communication one, you betray the confidence and trust invested in you. Regardless of how angry
Choice point you may get, resist the temptation to use the disclosures of others as weapons.
Disclosure
encouragement
You’re dating a wonderful guIDelIneS fOr reSIStIng preSSure tO Self-DISClOSe
person who is, unfortunately, extremely You may, on occasion, find yourself in a position in which a friend, colleague, or
secretive. You wish to encourage greater romantic partner pressures you to self-disclose. In such situations, you may wish to
disclosure but don’t want to seem pushy or weigh the pros and cons of self-disclosure and make your own decision as to
nosy. What are some of the things you might say
to encourage your dating partner to disclose? whether and what you’ll disclose. If your decision is not to disclose and you’re still
being pressured, then you need to say something. Don’t be pushed. Although there