Page 50 - Essentials of Human Communication

The Self in Human Communication 29

TeST YourSelf

How’s Your Self-esteem?
Respond to each of the following statements with T (for true) if the statement describes you at least a signifi-
cant part of the time and F (for false) if the statement describes you rarely or never.
➊ Generally, I feel I have to be successful in all things.
➋ A number of my acquaintances are often critical or negative of what I do and how I think.
➌ I often tackle projects that I know are impossible to complete to my satisfaction.
➍ When I focus on the past, I more often focus on my failures than on my successes and on my nega-
tive rather than my positive qualities.
➎ I make little effort to improve my personal and social skills.

HOw DID YOu DO? “True” responses to the questions generally are seen as getting in the way of building
positive self-esteem. “False” responses indicate that you think much like a self-esteem coach would want you
to think.
wHAt wIll YOu DO? The discussion that follows here elaborates on these five issues and illustrates why
each of them creates problems for the development of healthy self-esteem. So, this is a good starting place. You
might also want to visit the National Association for Self-Esteem’s website. There you’ll find a variety of materials
for examining and for bolstering self-esteem.

The basic idea behind self-esteem is that when you feel good about yourself—about
who you are and what you’re capable of doing—you will perform better. When you get
up to give a speech and you visualize yourself as successful and effective, you’re more
likely to give a good speech. If, on the other hand, you think you’re going to forget your
speech, mispronounce words, or mix up your presentation aids, you are less likely to be
successful. Increasing self-esteem will, therefore, help you to function more effectively in
school, in interpersonal relationships, and in careers. Here are six suggestions for increas-
ing self-esteem.

Attack Self-Destructive Beliefs Challenge any beliefs you have about yourself that are Watch the Video
unproductive or that make it more difficult for you to achieve your goals. Here are five beliefs “I’m Not Hungry” at
that when taken to extremes are unrealistic and ultimately self-destructive. (Butler, 1981; Ellis MyCommunicationLab
& Dryden, 2007; Beck, 1988; Einhorn, 2006):
● Perfect: Do you believe that you have to perform at unrealistically high levels at work,
school, and home, and that anything short of perfection is unacceptable?
● Strong: Do you believe that weakness and any of the more vulnerable emotions such as
sadness, compassion, or loneliness are wrong?
● Pleasing: Do you believe you need the approval of others and that only if you gain it, will
you be a worthy and deserving person?
● Fast and complete: Do you believe you have to do things quickly and take on more
responsibilities than any one person might be expected to handle?
● Doing more: Do you believe you have to do more than anyone can reasonably do?

Do recognize that it’s the extreme form of these beliefs that creates problems. Certainly,
trying hard and being strong are not unhealthy when they’re realistic. It’s only when they
become absolute—when you try to be everything to everyone—that they become impossible to
achieve and create problems. Replace these self-destructive beliefs with more productive ideas.

Beware of the Impostor phenomenon The impostor phenomenon refers to the
tendency to disregard outward signs of success and to consider yourself an “impostor,” a