Page 25 - Jan2023

I had crossed the Atlantic on a cut-rate elevated urinal. Now, I?m a gentleman of average
Scandahoovian airline. For an astonishingly low fare, we height, and I have to marvel at the skills of the
arrived at an out of the way French airport. average Frenchman, (presumably of the same
Unfortunately for many of the passengers, it cost about average height), using an appliance that is
a hundred extra Euros per kilo for a checked bag. approximately four feet above the floor. Perhaps
the plumbers that install these things chuckle the
Luckily for me, I had jammed full every one of the 38
whole time they are doing their work, endlessly
pockets in my photographer's vest, and crammed my
amused by their clever joke. I can only imagine
clothes into a skimpy backpack. This allowed me to pop
that it must be one of the secret joys of the
right down the exit ramp and skip the wait for baggage.
profession.
From the look of the confusion surrounding the
baggage area, I figure that saved me somewhere Now, when any task is finally accomplished,
between four and seven hours. Minutes later, at the you have to do the clean-up. At this time I
customs checkpoint, the officer saw a harmless looking progressed to the long line of sinks in the lobby,
old guy wearing a vest, and just waved me on through. used by both the men and the women that have
Another four to seven hours saved! recently finished with their business in the little
enclosed booths.
Now after being stuck on a bouncing aircraft for
many hours, I needed to find some relief. It was time to The sinks were served by a matching line of
l
.
find ?es toilettes? Stumbling around for a good little peculiarly mechanical faucets, unchanged since
while, looking in vain for any form of signage, I learned the day Dr. Von Krapper?s Celebrated Water
the first of many lessons in France: you locate the Dispensing Mechanism was patented in the early
bathroom by spotting a long line. part of the 19th century. Apparently water was a
very costly luxury in Dr. Von Krappers day,
Once you see the airport toilet, you can jostle with
because while it was dispensed with great
people of all nationalities, most of whom have clenched
precision, the flow in France was much less than
teeth. While you are waiting, you can also enjoy the
a stream. Perhaps it could be described as a
many advertisements for Coca-Cola Light, beach
robust seep.
holidays, canoe trips, and irrigation systems.
With care one could eventually exploit this
A further feature is the special coupon that you can
dribble, and achieve an acceptable level of
buy, for just 12 Euros, that entitles you to 25 trips to the
cleanliness. At this point, in the interests of
toilet. Guess thats a good deal, but how does it work?
sanitation, no paper towels were provided.
Do you have to join to a club or something? Is it good
Instead, there were two air powered hand driers.
in any airport - or just this one?
The first one did not work. Continued on page 26
My turn came before I solved this puzzle, and besides, I
only needed to go once. Handing the attendant my
coin, in I went.

(Later I found that the only public places in the whole of
France that are staffed by human beings are toilets. Every
airport, train station, subway, bus, tollroad, gas station,
parking lot, museum, you name it, is unstaffed. If you
don? have a card with a chip on it, you are flat out of luck -
t
t

you ain? gettin?in.)
Once inside the mens' room enclosure, I
encountered another phenomenon that I was to
struggle with again and again in fair France: the Above: The rental car was so repulsive I can? remember
t
the model, except it was a Renault. I didn't take a photo
but this one is similar, except for the copper, black, and
yellow paint job on mine. It was so repulsive I tried to
25
avert my eyes every time I approached it.