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Healthy: If you want people to do things for you, all you need to do is to offer them
unconditional acceptance and love.
Irrational: There is no such thing as unconditional acceptance and love. There are always strings
attached somewhere.
Healthy: It is possible to accept and love a person unconditionally with no ulterior motive.
Irrational: You must be perfect in everything you do or others will not accept or love you.
Healthy: You are a human being subject to failings, and mistakes. You deserve to be accepted
and loved not because you are you.
Irrational: It is impossible to accept and love another and at the same time be emotionally
detached.
Healthy: By being emotionally detached you do not automatically cease your acceptance,
care and love of another. It only means that you are separating yourself from the destructive
elements of the relationship so as not to get hurt.
Children Learn What They Live
If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn.
If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight.
If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to feel shy.
If a child lives with shame, he learns to feel guilty.
If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient.
If a child lives with encouragement, he learns confidence.
If a child lives with praise, he learns to appreciate.
If a child lives with fairness, he learns justice.
If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith.
If a child lives with approval, he learns to like himself.
If a child lives with acceptance and friendship,
he learns to find love in the world.
Dorothy Law Nolte, Ph.D