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When we accept all parts of ourselves, we develop understanding and compassion toward
people who are expressing those same traits. We can protect ourselves more effectively now,
because we understand unpleasant traits, having seen them within ourselves and therefore
maintain our composure when we see them in others.
In self acceptance, we gain an honest, balanced view of ourselves, because we discern both
the potential and the ego, all traits and their opposites. We don't create a distorted self image.
Self acceptance is easier if we differentiate between ourselves and our actions, thoughts,
energy tones, and imagery. We are not what we do. There is a connection and a responsibility
between ourselves and those elements, a bad action does not make us a bad person. We may
dislike certain things that we do, but we don't dislike and shame ourselves for whatever we do in
any given moment. With this overview, we know that we are capable of a large range of be-
haviours. It is our responsibility to control our ego to ensure that we behave in a socially
acceptable fashion.

The benefits of acceptance

When we accept a facet of life, it is now available for our use and enjoyment.

Perhaps we formerly rejected and hated people who had a particular skin colour. If we accept
their presence in the world, we can set aside the hatred and explore their value to us as friends,
business contacts, or simply as individuals whose differences are not threats but are interesting.
Acceptance affirms the validity of other people, therefore we also consider the validity of their
viewpoints, and gain new information and perspectives.

Every part of us contributes to our performance. When we accept, understand, and use all parts
of ourselves, those parts cooperate to create our successful life. Our anger can be helping us to
rightly defend ourselves. We tend to reject a part of ourselves that is ineffective, frustrating, or
embarrassing. That part has those traits only because it is misunderstood, undeveloped, or inept-
ly expressed. We can accept it, and try to understand and enhance its qualities. In self ac-
ceptance, we allow ourselves to express our various aspects such as being outgoing or re-
served, responsible or happy-go- lucky, generous or protective.
When we accept who we are, we can be ourselves, allowing our natural personality and
warmth to emerge. We are creative and fun loving. We are not judging ourselves and others,
therefore they are comfortable with us and with themselves, so they permit their own personality
and warmth to emerge.

When we accept ourselves, we listen and respond to criticism as mere feedback and we objec-
tively agree with it or reject it. There is little or no pain, defensiveness, or embarrassment, be-
cause our foundation is in our self acceptance, not in whatever acceptance we receive from
other people. In many cases, their criticism is not so much a statement regarding us, as it is a
statement regarding their values for their own life. Those values are being imposed on us, and
we may have no obligation to comply with them, particularly if the criticism is nothing more than
an attempt to manipulate us via the granting or withholding of their approval. In order to func-
tion in society, we do need to conform to social protocol, but we can discriminate between the
confirmation that we need from other people and the confirmation that can come only from
ourselves. If we seek all of our validation from other people, we create the destructive condition
of co-dependency.