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Will it last?

More often than not, the feelings of passionate love lose their strength over time.

The chemicals responsible, (adrenaline, dopamine, norepinephrine, phenylethylamine, etc.)
dwindle. Suddenly your lover has faults. Why has he or she changed, you may wonder. Actually
your partner probably hasn't changed at all, it's just that you're now able to see him or her
rationally, rather than through the blinding hormones of infatuation and rose coloured
spectacles of passionate love. At this stage, the relationship is either strong enough to endure, or
the relationship fades.

If the relationship can advance, then other chemicals kick in. Endorphins, for example, are still
providing a sense of well-being and security. Additionally, oxytocin is still released when you're
physically close and vasopressin continues to play a role in attachment.

The Definition of "True Love"

When asked to define what true love is, even the experts have to pause and think. Perhaps it's
because true love has different meanings for different people. True love can be defined as
caring about the health, well-being and happiness of another person. True love is when you
carefully consider your words, thoughts and actions, and specifically how they will benefit that
other person.

True love is when you care enough for another person to allow them the space and time they
need to become all they can be. If someone says to you: "If you love me, you would …," that is
not love, this is control. True love is easily recognised as unconditional support. True love occurs
when you shift from unconscious commitment to conscious commitment. When you hear
people say: 'Relationships are really hard work,' this is an expression of unconscious
commitment," Conscious commitment, means that you reveal your true self to your partner and
support your partner through thick and thin.

All love comes from an open heart. When you're together, it's open and safe at the same time.
This doesn't mean the person you love is necessarily your life partner. So how do you know if
you're in a lasting relationship? Here are a few pointers:

· You feel good. A good relationship makes you feel good about yourself.

· You look forward to spending time with your partner. You don't need to be with other
people, spend lavishly, or go to events to avoid being alone together. You enjoy spending
quality time together even when it's quiet.

· You respect your partner. You hear yourself bragging about your partner. You say things
like: "My wife is a really talented designer”. If you find that you're always talking about
yourself, or your children, you're not focused on your partner or the relationship.

· You're interested in what your partner thinks. You ask your partner's opinion about issues
that are important to you. If he or she disagrees with you, you genuinely don’t mind.

· You accept your partner's quirks. Everyone has them. If your partner's quirks are endearing
or tolerable, you're in good shape. If they really bother you, you should look more closely at
the relationship.