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Compatibility before Commitment

Many of the problems in relationships, stem from the fact that we make premature
commitments before fully satisfying ourselves that we are truly compatible with our prospective
partner. Sadly many relationships flounder because we enter into them blindly, often for the
wrong reasons when we are honest with ourselves. We end up hoping that compatibility will just
happen, only to discover some way into the relationship, that there are compatibility issues that
will ultimately drive us apart.

One of the most common questions we ask ourselves as a relationship is forming, is “are you the
one for me?” As months pass, having invested time, emotional support, love and effort into the
relationship, we compensate and tolerate for fear of letting go of a relationship that simply isn’t
destined to go the distance. We hang on in there in relationships that we know will eventually
have to face the realities of just how incompatible we are. Many couples are fortunate, and
discover almost by luck that they have a level of compatibility that will sustain them over the
long term.

Unfortunately, as the divorce rate indicates, many discover that when they eventually face the
truth of their incompatibility, that the relationship either isn’t working or the couple are simply
papering over the cracks. We wish our partner could magically become the person we want
him to be, but he can’t.

It is only right that we should do everything in our power to salvage an ailing relationship.
However, we may reach a point where we feel we cannot, should not or do not want to
continue with a partner, and it is at this point we have to decide to stay or go.

If and when we realise that we are not sufficiently compatible with a partner, in key areas, love
alone will not be enough to overcome the inevitable problems. Only when we find a new, truly
compatible relationship will we realise we were right to leave the incompatible one behind.

We often come together at a time and due to circumstances, (on the rebound from a failed
relationship), when because the new partner possesses qualities missing in the last partner,
everything seems perfect. We rarely possess the clarity of thought after a failed relationship, to
make the true evaluations of our new partner worthwhile.

It is often the case that we come together with a partner for a certain length of time in order to
teach each other lessons and learn from one another, and when we have learned all there is to
learn from that partner, it may be that we need to move on. You and your partner may have
grown tremendously in your years together, and given each other great emotional gifts.
However, when your goals, rate and style of growth become too different, it may no longer be
healthy or emotionally as fulfilling for your personal growth for you to stay together.

The hardest part of all this is that your love for your partner may not have changed, and that
makes it even more difficult to leave. Each new path will bring you greater happiness, wisdom,
growth and love that you will not have known before.

Having said all of this, separation may not always be the end result of your soul searching. Your
life should contain the true adventure of love, when you feel genuinely happy in the key areas
of your life with your partner. When you are both absolutely open and honest with each other,
are happy that you will grow and contribute equally to the relationship together, you may find
that true happiness, for more of your life, is a real possibility. Only you will know your own circum-
stances and truths of your relationship. Love isn’t something we do to get a result, it’s an action
that should fill you with joy and fulfils its own purpose in each moment it is experienced.