Page 10 - TheAlaskaNurseOctNov2018

Fireball & Baseball:

MY JOURNEY WITH DEATH AND ADVOCACY

Vanessa Mathiason, RN, CRNI
Palliative Care Resource Team, Alaska Native Medical Center

When I was approached by a coworker to write about Nurses are passively given permission to be involved in
end-of-life issues, instantly I was eager to accept the an intimate part of someone’s life. As a nurse, my job is to
challenge because I love writing, even more so when it protect and nurture my patient and their family, to ensure
is something I am passionate about. As I attempted to they have a solidified understanding of what their medical
put pen to paper, I began to realize just how difficult the picture looks like, to provide a platform to which questions
subject of death and dying is. It’s a difficult subject for can be asked and to help ensure their voices and values
me to interpret because emotion is expressed by feeling, are being heard.
rather than words.
I started my career as an RN in an oncology clinic. It
was incredibly overwhelming learning everything new. I
“Grief is not a disease or pathology to be then had to look past all the equipment and see patients
cured. Grief is the tangible evidence that as people. As time went on and I became confident in
my practice, conversation became easier. I learned people
we’ve cared and loved someone.” didn’t want to focus on their disease and they don’t want
to feel pitied. When I transferred to the Critical Care Unit
–Anonymous (CCU) a few years later, I was able to that simple, yet
valuable, knowledge with me. A place where intimate
conversations seemed almost non-existent to me but held
Everyone is affected by death, it’s unavoidable. It’s greater importance in the immediate sense. The added
simple and yet complex. Death has a finality to it which equipment was intimidating, but I tried to never let it affect
forces you to briefly remember what is important. Life my ability to create a rapport with my patients or their
continues to move forward for everyone else, while, for a family.
moment that feels like eternity, life becomes motionless,
confusing and unfinished for those left behind.

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