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like the hell I had created. When I returned the next day, I #15. Although this is the catcher’s number, it was also JR’s
told JR I had a shot of Fireball just for him. He raised one birthday, January 15th, and so for me #15 was a way to
eyebrow which proved he heard me. I told him I never remember him. Every victory was followed by a shot of
wanted anything like that to happen to him or anyone ever Fireball to honor his life and love for the team. They won
again. I told the doctors I refuse to lighten sedation again 104 games that year, a Major League best record. With that
until the family was there to witness the consequences. many wins I felt I should own stock in Fireball.
When his family arrived, I again lightened his sedation
As the season started to wind down, as fate would
and he began to cry, as he was fully aware of his reality.
have it, for the second year in a row, the Cubs faced the
His family said they would take a few days, maybe a few
Dodgers in the division finals. Because I wanted to honor
weeks, to talk things over as a family before deciding what
JR’s life, I painfully rooted against my Cubbies in hopes of
to do with JR’s life.
the Dodgers making it to the World Series.
After his family left, I again lightly sedated him and
Baseball had become my life; baseball came before
cried with him once again. I again said how sorry I was but
nearly everything. I drug my kids around with me to watch
explained the importance of his family seeing what he had
every game they would tolerate, pushing my superstitious
already shown me. Feeling as though my encounter with
behavior on them. The World Series was incredible, but
his family bore no fruit, and feeling like I had exhausted
also heartbreaking; a brutal seven games. Game seven left
all my options, I took my concern to the ethics committee
me devastated. With the Dodgers defeated, my fairytale
for help.
ending was gone. I wanted so badly to take a road trip
June 17, 2017 was the last time I saw JR. As the end to JR’s hometown and celebrate the win. When it didn’t
of my shift neared I choked back tears and, very heavily- happen I almost felt as though I’d let him down. So, I
hearted, held his hand and said, “I have tried everything I pushed my trip off for a few more days.
can to get you what you want,” and explained that I had
JR was alive because baseball was alive. Now that
submitted a letter on his behalf. I also told him, “I hope
baseball was over, the harsh reality set in that JR was
I don’t see you again, but if I do, I hope you are feeling
gone. The Sunday following the final game, I took the two-
better. I vow to be a Dodgers fan, except when they play
and-a-half hour trip. I created my own memorial for him,
the Cubs.”
made up of a small bouquet of balloons, a dozen blue
When I came back to work several days later I, was flowers, a card for JR and for the one who discovers my
terrified I would walk into the
same situation I had left. Instead,
I learned that a few days after our
last family meeting, JR’s dad was
again suffering from a broken heart,
which left him on life support in the
ICU, in the very room where JR
and I had first met. The family had
agreed neither one wanted to live
without the other. The staff arranged
for father and son to be placed in
adjoining rooms, where family could
be at both bedsides together. They
were both transitioned to comfort
care; first the father, followed by his
son. Father and son became CCU’s
first two palliative care patients. JR
and his dad passed away peacefully
surrounded by family within four
hours of one another.
As I promised, I faithfully
watched every Dodger game, even
ordered a customized jersey: Junior

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