Page 22 - HaMizrachiChayei Sarah AUS 2020

GLOBAL RELIGIOUS LEADERS

Rabbanit Rachelle Fraenkel

The Widower’s Predicament

idowhood is mentioned We hear Ya’akov’s heart-wrenching meaning and joy into life – reflects
dozens of times in the expression “And when I came from the mystery of widowhood itself.
WTorah as a situation of vul- Padan, Rachel died on me” (Bereishit How does one hold these two oppo-
nerability, exposure, lacking protec- 48:7). He says this years later, at the sites together?
tion. The widow is often mentioned end of his life. We still feel the great
together with the orphan and the chasm, the sorrow and the loss. In the The Midrash in Bava Batra depicts
convert – those whom it is forbidden words of the Midrash: Avraham and Sarah’s graves. Avra-
to exploit; those for whom society “… a woman only dies to her husband, ham lies in Sarah’s bosom and Sarah
should take responsibility for their is contemplating Avraham’s head. A
wellbeing. and a husband only dies to his wife.” possible interpretation could be that a
The Midrash connects these words to man says to himself: I have shared the
But what of the widower’s personal a description of another experience
experience? What is happening in his of widowhood, that of Naomi, Ruth’s main chapter of my life with my great
internal world? partner – we shared years of work,
mother-in-law, upon her husband faith and children, and in the midrash
Megillat Eicha expresses the enormity Elimelech’s passing. you will write about me, perhaps I will
of the fragmentation and the mourn- And Rabbi Yochanan says (in that reappear with the wife of my youth…
ing and depicts a metaphoric widow, same midrash): “Ya’akov Avinu said: but as long as G-d chooses to give me
Am Yisrael, mourning over the loss life and more days upon this earth, I
of Jerusalem. The ‘widow’s’ experi- Rachel’s death was harder for me than will live them to the full. I’ll take an
all the troubles I had.”
ence is described in detail with great active role, contribute to society and,
sensitivity. “A woman only dies to her husband.” b’ezrat Hashem, I will love life and be
Someone who has not experienced
We hear the details of Avraham’s content with my life and the life of my
involvement in his wife’s burial. We the loss of a spouse cannot under- family and those around me.
stand this. Perhaps one can identify
hear him coming to eulogize Sarah external sadness and vulnerability, Maybe it is precisely the person who
and weep over her.
but the loss itself, the death, the enor- has experienced a great love in his
Who is this woman we have lost? mity of the void and its accompanying life who will want to restart and love
Who is this woman, this righteous silence… only the widow or the wid- again. And maybe it is precisely a
individual who shared his life mis- ower can fully experience. couple who have had a beautiful, suc-
sion with him, amidst the traumatic cessful marriage who will wish them-
transitions from Ur Casdim to Haran Yet despite his pain, Avraham marries selves or their spouse a good and full
other women, has more children and
and Canaan? This woman was a life as far as possible, and when the
greater prophetess than he was, but lives for almost another 40 years after conditions are right, even to marry
a full partner as they wandered from Sarah’s death. again. Because with all of its chal-
place to place, spreading the ‘gospel’ It is almost impossible to express lenges and heartbreak, they realize
of monotheism. She endangered her- this dissonance in words. Suffering life is a gift to be enjoyed, a mission to
self for Avraham, and her beauty, her the most painful of losses in death fulfill wholeheartedly.
wisdom, her righteousness and noble and then demonstrating the ability to
soul were never tarnished. come back to life, to rebuild, to find
meaning in and zest for life, and often
As Avraham eulogizes her, the sob- choosing to marry again. To love and
bing wells up deep from within,
becoming stronger and stronger – to flourish.
perhaps even lasting for days – as the The difficulty in writing about wid-
void becomes more and more visceral owhood – and not only carrying on Rabbanit Rachelle Fraenkel teaches Torah
and he internalizes his terrible loss. after a spouse’s death but instilling at midrashot in Israel.

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