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ALIYAH DIARIES

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Kally Rubin
Kislowicz

hen my kids were to face with people whose last name So things were going swimmingly. And
younger they made does not rhyme with Fislowicz, even then it came time to play a game. You
up a brilliant game my English small talk is a bit rusty. know what they say, you can take
W called The Floor is Lava. I know how to ask my neighbors my Israeli coworkers out of the third
The carpet in our family room was if they have any ripe bananas to grade, but you can’t take the third
the lava, and the kids had to jump on lend, but beyond that, I find myself grade out of my Israeli coworkers! The
furniture and toys to get around the saying things like, “When did you get game was a version of scattergories, in
room without touching it, lest they vaccinated? How many antibodies do which the moderator says a letter and
spontaneously combust on impact. you think you have? I think I have 12, then gives a category, and everyone
Perhaps you think your kids made up but maybe I’ll grow more tomorrow. has to name something in the
this game, and you can go on living Yay, science!” Since it didn’t seem category that begins with that letter
this lie. It makes no difference to me, appropriate to ask my coworkers (for example, if the letter is T and the
as last year Netflix stole our idea and for ripe bananas in the middle of a category is animal, you might yell out
turned it into a (terrible) television birthday party, and since I don’t know ‘tiger’!). And this was fine, because
show called The Floor is Lava. My the Hebrew word for antibodies, I was even though I was too shy and slow
children received no royalties for their really in a bind. What could I possibly in Hebrew to do any guessing, I was
brainchild. talk about in Hebrew with my Israeli
coworkers who already think I am a nailing an overall look that said ‘I am
They moved past this, however. They shy introvert with zero personality? happy and comfortable, and no part of
now play a much more sophisticated me is dying from awkwardness.’
game, where they wrestle with the After a few awkward moments of
goal of pulling off the other’s socks, standing around and trying to look And then the well-meaning moderator
and then using those socks to beat like I was growing antibodies at a very stopped the game, looked at me, and
each other into submission. To my impressive rate, someone turned to said, “I see that this is really hard for
disgust, Netflix has once again stolen me and said, “So, have you seen The you, this next clue will be just for
our idea and turned it into a (fabulous) Crown?” Kally.” And she asked me to name
television show called The Crown. And by the grace of Netflix, I have seen something in the sky that starts with
the letter lamed. Given the fortune my
Now watch as I weave these two The Crown! And I love it so much that I parents spent on Jewish day school,
seemingly unrelated shows into one will gladly talk about it in Hebrew! All you might think that I would be able
horrifying tale. I had to say was, “ה ָנ ֵּ כ ְס ִמ ...י ַ ּ ד י ִדיי ֵל ,יֹוא” to produce just one sky-related lamed
(Poor Lady Di…), and I was suddenly
I was recently invited to attend a small a conversational wit! It didn’t matter word on demand. But alas, with all
birthday party for a coworker. While in that they very quickly moved on to eyes on me, blood pounding through
theory this sounds like an innocuous other topics, I had delivered my line my skull, and sweat pouring out of my
way to break up the workday, fellow with poise, and now all I had to do skin, I could only shake my head and
immigrants might relate to the panic was sit back, laugh when appropriate mumble something about how back
attack that is my brain’s primary (or more precisely, 1.5 seconds after it in the motherland I am considered to
response to those three most dreaded would have been appropriate, because possess many wisdoms. They looked
words – Hebrew small talk. that is roughly the time it takes me at me pityingly and continued their
Let’s back up and say that after a year to either get the joke or pretend that cruel game, while I took a page from
of mostly working at home, social I did), and fake it through the rest of The Floor is Lava and spontaneously
distancing, and rarely interacting face the affair. combusted in shame.

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