Page 60 - HaMizrachi #25 Chanuka 2020 USA

GENERAL INTEREST PARENTING & RELATIONSHIPS

Dr. David S Ribner

Preparing

our Children

for Marriage

ur tradition has long directed accepted by others just as you are, • Expressing acknowledgment and
us to the realization that rais- without expectation of fundamen- gratitude – For both the expected
Oing children involves much tal change. This in turn enhances and unexpected, expressions of
more than providing for their physical a sense of trust that openness and appreciation and thankfulness can
needs. honesty, sharing uncertainties and minimize feelings of being taken
Preparing our children for their vari- vulnerabilities, will be treated with for granted. Creating such a posi-
ous roles as adults begins the moment respect. tive atmosphere contributes to the
we bring them into this world. Every • Caring and affection – These are security of being seen and valued.
human interaction affords these new- emotions which express connect- • Acts of kindness – Each family
borns the opportunity to learn numer- edness and should be pervasive member should consider doing
ous cues, responses and behaviors. As aspects of family relationships. more than just fulfilling minimal
children move along developmentally, People may communicate these expectations and to do so as a ges-
an initial and later ongoing source of feelings differently, some more ture of good will. The goal is to
these lessons focuses on the dynamic verbally, some more action-ori- make the lives of others that much
they perceive between their parents. ented. No matter how you do it, happier and each of these acts
As mothers and fathers, we are not the result is strengthened rela- conveys a message of investing in
always tuned in to the extent our mari- tional bonds. emotional intimacy.
tal interactions form a template for the • Open communication – Verbal
expectations our children will have of communication should be clear • Mechanisms for healing and repair
themselves as future marital partners. and unambiguous, intended to – All families confront difficult
Since we doubtless would like to see convey messages that are as pos- moments, when expectations are
them married, and happily so, which itive as possible. Assumptions not met or when communication
relational elements would we ideally about another’s thought or feeling fails. Developing mechanisms to
prefer them to glean from growing must be confirmed verbally – no positively cope with these situa-
up in our homes? While there is no one reads minds. When disagree- tions avoids accumulating emo-
one formula for a successful marital ments arise, neither side should tional scar tissue and allows for
relationship, our focus here will be on imply rejection or devaluing. strengthening family ties.
modeling the skills of intimacy. We • Curiosity – Truly being interested • Independent growth and devel-
suggest that the following list provides in the lives of those around you, opment – Each family member
a framework that may enhance our in their experiences, thoughts and should be encouraged and sup-
awareness of a crucial aspect of hus- feelings allows you to stay attuned ported to pursue personally
band/wife modeling and parent/child to each other. Curiosity about important interests, career paths
interactions: your family members’ reactions and moments in which to invest
• Trust and acceptance – Comfort and behaviors (rather than making time and energy. Personal satisfac-
in familial relationships is to a assumptions) helps to avoid and tion allows for giving others signif-
large part dependent on feeling resolve conflicts. icant parallel opportunities.

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