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Marriage

Rabbi Moshe Berliner

T RAH AND

MARRIAGE

A Second Chanc�

ur Sages point out the the Jewish people accepted the Torah relationship on the basis of what
similarities between the Jewish with the understanding they were they have learned. Both partners
Opeople receiving the Torah at free to choose an alternative natural must change to become a success-
Mount Sinai and marriage. explanation of the events they had ful spouse. They must readjust their
experienced. They had the freedom to dreams to their new reality and learn
We commemorate the Giving of the reject their faith that G-d guides the to express their aspirations within
Torah on Shavuot. On Purim, the world. In their state of freedom, they the realistic context of the marriage.
Jewish people accepted the Torah a chose to accept G-d and his Torah. Some couples find this very difficult
second time. Why was it necessary for to do but many succeed in rebuild-
the Torah to be given a second time? This choice, taken freely, is a choice
One explanation is that the Jewish peo- for eternity. ing their marriage, recrafting it on
ple’s experience at Mount Sinai was so the basis of the wisdom they have
awe-inspiring that when they accepted Something analogous often takes learned. They then experience their
the Torah, figuratively marrying G-d, place in a marriage. When couples new relationship literally like a second
they did so without having the free will marry, they are often in a euphoria marriage. Their ‘first’ marriage,
to choose to accept the Torah. 1 similar to the Jewish people at Mount before the crisis, was a product of
Sinai. They are overwhelmed by the their dreams.
The experience was so overwhelming powerful emotions they feel. They
one might say the marriage was forced dream their vision of a shared future, Their ‘second’ marriage is a tribute to
upon them. Who could possibly expe- the extraordinary promise of their life their work, their wisdom, and their
2
rience the miracles of leaving Egypt together. successful efforts to build a marriage
and the splitting of the Red Sea as they deeply satisfying to both of them.
did and not accept the Torah? Living together, they quickly learn
their dreams are not identical. At
However, the events that led to the times, this is more wonderful than 1 Shabbat 88a.
salvation of the Jewish people at the 2 Maharal, Netzach Yisrael, Chapter 11; see
time of Purim were not dramatic in what they dreamed of. also Introduction to Ohr Chadash.
that sense. There was nothing overtly However, some couples find their
supernatural about them. At every attempts to build a fulfilling marriage Adapted from To Build and to Bond, published
step of the Purim story, it was possible bring them to difficulties and even to by Mizrachi Press.
to view the story as a natural progres- crisis.
sion of events. Each event followed Rabbi Moshe Berliner is an author, M.S.W.
as a logical consequence of what had Precisely at that time, a unique and therapist specializing in family and
happened before it. Thus on Purim, opportunity exists to rebuild their marriage

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