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Emotional Intelligence (EQ) — How you do it

Emotional Intelligence was originally a term created by Peter Salovey and John Mayer. In their 1990 article,
“emotional intelligence” was born:

“…the ability to monitor one’s own and others’ feelings and emotions, to discriminate among them and to
use this information to guide one’s thinking and actions (Salovey & Mayer 189).”

Since then, others such as Daniel Goleman, Author of the #1 Bestseller of Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can
Matter More Than IQ have further popularized the phrase.

Additional definitions of emotional intelligence include, but are not limited to:
1. The capacity to be aware of, control, and express one's emotions, and to handle interpersonal relationships
judiciously and empathetically (English Oxford Living Dictionary).
2. Intelligence involving the ability to process emotional information (Psychology Dictionary).
3. Recognize, understand and manage our own emotions (Institute for Health and Human Potential).
4. Recognize, understand and influence the emotions of others (Institute for Health and Human Potential).

For the purposes of this book, I’d like to offer us a new definition of emotional intelligence.

The inner strength required to pursue a deep understanding of our design as created by God, to uncover and
challenge our own emotions, first, while secondly, having the ability to understand where others are being
challenged in their own emotions (Llanes).

It’s one thing to use the acquired knowledge to guide our attitude and actions, but it’s another thing to challenge our
emotions. We are called to be thinkers. We have been commanded to be committed to the constant renewing of our
mind. This requires inner strength, this requires intentional focus. The attitude developed in an intentional state is
one that fuels understanding, grace, redemption, peace, and holiness. I believe the heart of God desires this for us all.
I believe He has equipped us with His version of emotional intelligence. But it's up to us to unlock it.

Romantic Intelligence (RQ) — Attitudes and actions

Are you ready for this?
Welcome to a new level of intelligence.

This term is not simply an added level of intelligence on the scale of Intellect or Emotion. It is a way of life. One
that has been perfectly modeled for us by our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. He craves to see us enjoying everyday
life, applying the same attitudes and actions toward our loved ones that He did (and continues to). Let’s outline these
attitudes and actions.

1. A strong sense of acceptance & identity rooted in our inheritance with God (Llanes).
2. Ability to properly communicate with God the Father in a way that allows for gentle correction and
therefore beautiful redemption (Llanes).
3. A prudent attitude with one’s inner, true self, allowing for effective movement (Llanes).
4. A discerning spirit allowing for protective action surrounding oneself and one’s partner (Llanes).

I don’t know about you, but often times I find myself still scratching my head when I read definitions rooted in such
deep subjects. With that in mind, allow me to elaborate on what exactly these four look like in application.

Romantic Intelligence slightly differs from emotional intelligence in the sense that EQ is mostly about discovery and
application of self through the world, whereas RQ is focused on Jesus transforming our heart in a way that through
discovery our attitudes and actions begin to reflect His.

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