Page 65 - Gilbert & Me_Neat

Day Thirteen

Tuesday, April 21 , 2020
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7.00am:
Got up, unenthusiastically.

Have some laundry to do today – it’s Tuesday, so that means bed linen and whatever else is
lurking in the laundry basket.

After that, I had a shower. And the first coffee of the day.

I’m still unhappy about yesterday, and desperately trying not to allow the sense of hopelessness
and uncertainty take hold, because if it does, I’ll lose all enthusiasm for, well, everything, and
having already been there once before, I do not want to go back. I have to fight this; I have to
make the best of the situation and try carrying on. Depression is a nasty, unforgiving mental
condition which usually creeps up on you
when you are facing, or trying to deal with a
very challenging situation which, at first
look, appears to have no good solution or
ending. You quickly believe there’s no way
out, nothing you can do and, worst, you
blame yourself for allowing things to get to
that point. Now, that last point may be true –
it is possible that you could have turned to
somebody sooner, but, here’s the thing,
when the sky gets cloudy and the horizon is
obscured, you can’t see the blue sky beyond
or the Sun that might melt away the dark
clouds; you can only see what’s there right
in front of you, and at that precise moment, all you see are the dark clouds. That’s depression.
That’s where I think I might be now.

However, I know there’s a blue sky out there, so I use that knowledge and fight through the dark
clouds.

First thing to do is talk to my landlord, because I’m really concerned about the overdue rent, and
hope that she can appreciate the situation. I have to talk to my Boss too, and find out what his
plan is to either pay me, or end my employment so I can go seek help and support from the State.
Yes, I’m a little worried about that conversation, but I have to know in order to plan the way
ahead for me.