Page 144 - The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts

language. People tend to criticize their spouse most loudly
in the area where they themselves have the deepest
emotional need. Their criticism is an ineffective way of
pleading for love. If we understand that, it may help us
process their criticism in a more productive manner. A wife
may say to her husband after he gives her a criticism, “It
sounds like that is extremely important to you. Could you
explain why it is so crucial?” Criticism often needs
clarification. Initiating such a conversation may eventually
turn the criticism into a request rather than a demand.
Mary’s constant condemnation of Mark’s hunting was not
an expression of her hatred for the sport of hunting. She
blamed hunting as the thing that kept him from washing the
car, vacuuming the house, and mowing the grass. When he
learned to meet her need for love by speaking her
emotional love language, she became free to support him
in his hunting.

DOORMAT OR LOVER?
“I have served him for twenty years. I have waited on
him hand and foot. I have been his doormat while he
ignored me, mistreated me, and humiliated me in front of
my friends and family. I don’t hate him. I wish him no ill, but I
resent him, and I no longer wish to live with him.” That wife
has performed acts of service for twenty years, but they
have not been expressions of love. They were done out of