Page 105 - STMT 2nd Edition

University in Washington, DC, and an expert in communication between

the sexes.

That cushion helps them change from "political" male with territory to

defend to "loving" male with territory to share.

"Many women use talk to reinforce the bond, but many men see talk as

something they had to do all day to make sure they didn't get pushed

around," says Tannen.

What's a woman to do?

Tell him you understand his need to retreat but you just can't indulge it

every now and then. Then discuss how — and how often — the two of you

can build in a cushion without leaving the whole domestic load on you.

For example, you might agree that one night he's with you to talk deeply,

the next he gets to pull his turtle act for 10 or 15 minutes.

The upside when he puts the mail or newspaper first? He'll feel more

energized and ready to give you the break you'll need once he comes out

of his shell.

2. Give him your ear (even when

the subject seems less than

pressing)

Next time your husband demands your undivided attention to talk about

the cool new office coffee machine.

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