Page 110 - STMT 2nd Edition

You can count out loud the number of cocktails he has with dinner. But

you can't — repeat, can't — make him take care of himself, drive more

carefully or work out his relationship with his parents.

He will handle those things when he decides to. Too

much input makes him feel guilty and harped on —

and will probably backfire.

"Mother him and he'll act like a child," says Gratch. "You give a great gift

to a man when you stop trying to control his irresponsible behavior. He's

got to learn from his own mistakes."

You also give a great gift to your relationship, because the risks of playing

mommy are insidious: You'll slip from being equals to being parent and

child, and that makes it awfully hard for you to respect him and for him

not to resent you.

(Of course, if the problem is serious — he's drinking or gambling too

much, taking drugs or seriously risking his health — you must decide for

yourself what you will and won't live with.)

7. Give him his dreams

If he tells you that someday — not tomorrow, not next month — he'd

really like to become a millionaire, try biting your tongue before you say,

"Uh-huh. How is that possible if you don’t have a job right now?"

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