Page 44 - STMT 2nd Edition

In a Florida study of longtime couples, joint problem-solving ability was

cited as a key factor for 70 percent of satisfied pairs.

With the right tools and attitude, conflict becomes a gateway to deeper

intimacy—the chance to be seen and loved for who you truly are, to accept

your mate’s adorable, vulnerable real self, and to build a strong union

without silently seething.

First, steer clear of criticism, confrontation and

hostility. They’re like gas on a fire.

University of California researchers who followed 79 couples for more than

a decade found that early divorcers fought long and loud and were always

on the attack—or the defensive.

Happy couples, on the other hand, avoid verbalizing critical thoughts,

keep discussions from escalating, and don’t use absolutes like “never” and

“always.”

If a fight does start, try to change the subject, inject gentle humor,

empathize or show your partner extra appreciation.

Too late? Call a break, walk away and cool off for a

while.

6. Pick the Right Time to Argue

Don’t start potentially tough talks if you’re not well rested and well fed.

Hunger and fatigue can unleash nasty remarks and dark thoughts.

TABLE OF CONTENT Page 44