Page 45 - STMT 2nd Edition

Ban booze for the same reason. Save it for when you’ve achieved

agreement. That’s worth a toast.

Don’t ever try to deal with serious marital issues if you’ve got one eye on

something else. Turn off the TV, the phone, the laptop.

If you’re distracted or going out the door, pick

another time to talk. You can’t resolve conflicts on

the fly.

7. Learn to Listen

The single most powerful step you can take to keep

a relationship solid? Speak less and listen more.

Blame, insults, criticism and bullying predict a bad end, or at least a living

hell. When talk turns combative, don’t interrupt, offer a solution or defend

yourself too soon.

When feelings are at issue, they need to be heard. So nod, rephrase or

provide a soft “um-hum” to show you honor the emotions behind the

words. Sometimes, all we really need to do to feel closer to someone is

pay closer attention to what it is that they’re saying.

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