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U.S. NEWSThursday 26 November 2015
American Holiday:
A Thanksgiving Table With Plenty of Emotional Room
J. CONLIN of my children) that looked Once you seat more than be surprised at what good tracking through our dia-
(FILE) like parts of mine, I would five people around one conversationalists 10-year- logue. Last week, when he
Living as I do with my par- feel very sad. table, which is a regular olds can be if you actu- thought we said “bayonet”
ents, older brother, hus- That said ... when it comes occurrence here, chaos ally take the time to talk to rather than “badminton,”
band and two youngest to relatives, you have no normally ensues. That is them. The one exception it led to a far more inter-
children, I have to say choice but to allow people why I like to assign seating being the time I was seated esting historical discussion
that most Sunday eve- to lend a stirring hand, par- (the dictator in me again), next to a child in Paris who about military arms than
nings in our multigenera- ticularly as everyone wants which forces people (par- only wanted to discuss her we would have ever had
tional home seem a lot like to gather in the kitchen (no ticularly the children) to “extreme head lice” condi- about racket sports.
Thanksgiving. Sunday tends matter how small) rather have conversations with tion. CLEANUP JOB
to be the night I cook a big There is a wonderfully po-
dinner, as my older sister Theresa Starta and her family host guests from other countries at their home in Dubai, serving a lite way the British describe
who lives nearby usually traditional turkey dinner on Thanksgiving and sharing the history of each dish. someone who has had too
comes over that evening, much to drink at a party.
as does a cousin or two (Christina Lundgren/Theresa Starta via AP). He or she will be called
and the odd visitor from out “tired and emotional,” and
of town. than in the living room (no those they normally would On the other hand, talk- then promptly taken home
As a result, I know a lot matter how big). not. ing to the oldest members or, at the very least, retired
about how to survive What I have finally learned Kid’s tables, I believe, are a at the table can be trying, to a nearby bedroom.
the family dynamics of a is to just give in. Sipping a bad idea, as the younger particularly if they are suf- Though sipping a lovely
mega-meal like the one glass of wine while my sis- ones will hang out before fering from hearing loss, cabernet can ease the
happening for nearly ev- ter chops the carrots into and after the meal any- like my father. Keeping him preparation pain in the
eryone today. Here are a circles, rather than my pre- way. The best way for chil- abreast of the conversa- kitchen, do not drink too
few tips garnered from four ferred matchstick shape, dren to learn how to be- tion, my family has learned much and become “tired
consecutive years of group always helps take the edge have at a dinner party is to all too well, is increasingly and emotional,” as we all
dining. off. seat them with adults (un- difficult, as he is constantly know that mixing alcohol
COOKING And if everyone wants less the adults don’t know hearing something differ- with relatives can spur fes-
Collective cooking is sup- Stove Top stuffing rather how to behave, either). ent than what we have ac- tering anger. This is another
posed to be fun, but let’s than my homemade pork- In Europe, children rou- tually said. good reason to seat adults
be honest: It’s not. Anyone and-sage dressing, so be it. tinely eat with their parents So now, we just automati- next to children, particular-
who really loves to cook, Remember: It is supposed and their friends at formal cally shift the conversation ly when it comes to break-
like me, is a bit of a dictator to be about the together- meals, and even more im- to whatever topic he thinks ing up siblings with a bad
in the kitchen. ness of your family, not the portant, they eat the same we are discussing. It is far history.
Sharing counter space and thickness of your gravy. food as their parents. So less frustrating than trying If a conflict does appear
cutting boards with helpful CONVERSATION I say mix it up - you may to catch him up by back- to be rearing its head, and
family members does not you are a part of it, simply
make preparing a meal retire to the kitchen for a
easier for me; it makes it few minutes, as I do, and
far more difficult. How am get a head start on the
I supposed to mix just the vast cleanup of this gelati-
right amount of cream into nous meal. Though it would
my mashed potatoes if I be wonderful if everyone
also have to keep an ex- helped clean up while
acting eye on the amount dancing, like in “The Big
of rock salt my mother is Chill” after-dinner scene, it
sprinkling over the brussels is truly unlikely (and not the
sprouts? most efficient way to clean
My best Thanksgiving meals up a kitchen anyway).
were made during our This year, I will be away for
years overseas, when I had the holidays, on a trip with
no extended family around my husband and children.
telling me how to roast the I have to admit, though, I
turkey or make the stuffing, feel a bit guilty about leav-
and I was able to bar all ing my parents behind.
guests from my kitchen. But What will they do without
then, when I looked around me in charge?
the table and there were Have a splendidly relaxed
no faces (other than those time, I fear.q
