Page 6 - Winter 2018 19

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Going with a friend to my first rugby match, it was good to see things live
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and drink in the atmosphere. The crowd was quite vocal and at one point,
singing, to the tune of yellow submarine, “All we want is a decent referee,
decent referee, decent referee.”
I was at first amused, but then felt a twinge of sadness for the man
who was, I am sure, trying to do his best to give the correct decisions.
Nevertheless, it seemed a good percentage of the crowd disagreed.
So, what has that to do with short mat bowling? I hear you ask. Well,
when I began bowling, I watched the umpires at work in the matches and
though; I’d like to be able to do that. I may not be the world’s best bowler,
but it would enable me to be of greater service to my club and to the wider
game.
I filled in my application form, gave it to the Umpires Director and
the process began. First came the written exam, 50 questions about the rules and conduct of
the game. Pass mark was 96% phew! I found that by the time I had answered all the questions
I had written out, by hand, about 75% of the rule book. Fortunately, I did manage to make the
grade and pass. Then came the half day practical test, looking and measuring various set ups,
followed by a further one to one oral test on the rule book and game situations.
Having progressed this far, I would now need to dress like an umpire and obtain all the
necessary equipment to do the measuring. Having been out and purchased all the relevant
clothing, bits and pieces, no small task, I was ready to go. Learning “On the job,” which almost
equates to being cast in at the deep end and told to swim! Firstly, on the County circuit for a
minimum of 10 games, and then, if you are invited, the Nationals.
I must confess that I found the going hard. Maintaining concentration for long periods can
be very tiring and that is when mistakes can more easily be made. Yes, I freely admit, I have
made a few mistakes and my umpires diary records them all, so that I can endeavour to learn
from them.
Players, have on the whole been very kind to me and appreciate the work that umpires
do. Sadly, there are exceptions to this and harsh words and negative comments can bite deeply.
Following such incidents, I must confess I have had one or two sleepless nights. In the course
of writing this article, Serena Williams has just let fly at an umpire at the American Open, many
it seems are backing her up, but she broke the rules and the umpire just did his job. My sympa-
thies, as you can guess, lie with him.
So, my plea to all you bowlers out there, please, please, please, read your rule books, so
you know how to play the game properly. As for the women and men in the red coats; you may
not have realised that we have all given a large commitment of money, time, and energy, to be-
coming umpires. We do enjoy serving you and seek to apply the rules fairly and impartially. We
are trying our best to get it right all the time. Please be kind and courteous to us and we, in turn,
will do our best for you. Enjoy your bowling!
Little Red Riding Hood

MAGAZINE LOST IN THE POST?
MAGAZINE LOST IN THE POST?
Over the years I have had subscribers approached me saying the never
got their magazines and it must have been lost in the post. However,
on about three occasions, word got back to me, that they were not lost
but given away to a non-subscriber whose picture or an article including
them was printed in a certain copy. I do hate being taken advantage of
as the magazine runs on a financial shoestring.
I would then send them another copy. I do know that things get
lost in the post and I have serious first-hand experience of it. However,
in future (no offence), I will appeal to any reader who has finished with
a good clean copy to send it on, especially as I do not print a lot of extra copies.