Page 102 - Creeative Thinking

You may be asking yourself at this point “Am I a doormat?” How do you really know
for sure? There are a couple of questions you should ask yourself if you really aren’t
sure. First of all, do you often find yourself doing things for others you’d really rather
not do if only because you are afraid to say no? If so, you may be a doormat. Also, do
you find you have no time for yourself because you are busy taking care of the needs of
others? If you answered yes to this question, you probably are a doormat or at risk of
becoming one.

You are also at risk of becoming resentful and possibly desperately unhappy. Of
course there are times in a person’s life when we must do things were not terribly keen
on doing. That is a fact of life. However, when our needs are not being met as a result
of continuously doing favours for others, there is a real danger of becoming unhappy
with our lives or perhaps even becoming depressed.

How can we avoid becoming a resentful doormat and at the same time avoid
becoming insensitive to the needs of others? The answer to that question is that we
should do things for others because we genuinely want to. Not because we are afraid
to say no. We shouldn’t do something for someone for fear that they won’t like us if
we don’t oblige. This type of person probably will never like us no matter how hard
we try. For that matter, he/she probable doesn’t like his/her self much either. After
all, we choose our friends for who they are, not what they can do for us. Right?

With that being said, it is also important to note that if you genuinely care for someone
his or her feelings matter a great deal to you. So, if a loved one were to ask for your
assistance with something you are likely to oblige because you genuinely want to do
so. By the same token, a person you have no real feelings for quite probably doesn’t
care much about you and so declining their request will not upset them much.

It is important when attempting to be assertive that you do not get caught in a trap of
lies, or half-truths and excuses. When you say no try to be as honest as you possibly
can while still remaining tactful. Try to remember that you really don’t owe anybody
any explanations. So a simple “I am sorry, but I can’t” should suffice.

There is no need to lie or make up elaborate excuses or fabricate other plans. Lying to
avoid a situation only creates negative energy and we want to avoid this at all costs. At
the same time, doing something you really don’t want to do will create the same
amount of negative energy, if not more than lying to get out of it.

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