Page 83 - Reflections of you 8-12

Muhittin

12 A

True Happiness... is to feel Alive

People like to say that they just want to be happy, but what makes happiness so desired?

Everyone has different answers to that question, but for me, happiness is feeling alive. Most of the time we
aren’t living, we are simply just existing. Sometimes, I feel like I have been running on autopilot the whole day, I

can’t remember what I did or what I was supposed to do, I was just existing, following the same sequence of
events that I had been repeating every day. It always felt like I was watching the outside world from someone
else’s eyes, it didn’t feel like I was living in that moment, that reality, I was just watching, not engaging in it. It really

did feel like a simulation. Maybe that is why I keep asking myself questions about everything, looking for answers,
it gives me the feeling that I am alive, the feeling that I am acknowledged.

I struggle to feel simple emotions, I can never feel excited for something, I will either be very nervous or won't
feel anything at all. It is probably because I never set any expectations since I don’t want to disappoint myself.

Lowering my expectations to the point where it’s basically non-existent. And since I don’t put any expectations, I
neither feel satisfaction nor disappointment. Everything feels really dull and grey, but sometimes certain smells
like the smell of this one cigarette my grandfather used to smoke all the time, wakes up my brain, and I feel alive,
the nostalgia and the emotions I felt at that time all come kicking in and I get really happy. Because I think to

myself

“Wow, I am such a lucky person to have felt all those emotions”

That is why I treasure every single moment I manage to feel something, anything. Every time I feel an emotion,
smell, or even taste something, I feel alive because I am engaging with reality. And feeling alive, makes me feel

complete, makes me happy. Happiness, for me is completely about what I feel, and money can help me feel
different emotions but only as a stepping stone that is used in order to achieve it. Therefore, I believe that money
cannot buy happiness, but can help you get closer to happiness.