Page 453 - Microsoft Word - Belicena respaldo
P. 453

that  a  minute  before  sprouted  from  the  Matter  disappeared  as  well.  On  the  contrary,  the
               Matter seemed to be subordinated to me. There was an idea that was flying in the ambient,
               flowing likewise all the things, that I caught perfectly and that could be translated more or less
               thus:  –Now  you  are  a  God  and  nothing  and  nobody  could  resist  to  Your  Will.  What
               happened here is a proof of your terrible Power! – This concept defines the «new sense»
               that, just as I mentioned at the beginning, seemed to acquire now the Matter by effect of the
               Vision: existed then, the manifested intention to connect causally the seism with my
               recent  spiritual  rapture.  But I didn’t let me  deceive. I intuited that  idea as  a trap  of the
               Potencies of the Matter, a temptation, that for the moment was not clear but in which, later, I
               would stop to reflect with profundity.

                      Essentially, after it, nothing had changed inside me, but I’d never be the same again:
               only the relation of forces that maintained the Spirit and the Soul were altered by the effect
               of  the  extra  volitional  force  provided  by  the  Virgin  of  Agartha.  When  I  recovered  the
               consciousness about the reality of the World, after the contemplation of the Divine Image, my
               Self  was  capable  to  dominate  with  singular  potency  the  animic  nature,  as  I  never  achieved
               before,  after  years  of  yogi  practices  of  concentration  and  mental  control;  and  I  was  not
               disposed to lose such power, that roles be inverted and the Self remain once again submitted to
               the desires of the Soul. But that would not occur, I could assure it, because it was evident that
               not  only  the  Self  went  out  strengthened  from  the  spiritual  rapture  but  the  Soul  went
               debilitated permanently in what constituted its own essence: the feelings and emotions, the
               love for life and its things, the good heart that I had always manifested and that prevented
               me to use the violence to resolve the problems that hindered my path, all these warm passions
               and many others, became colder rapidly, flickered and extinguished as the flame of the candle
               that has consumed its wax. Certainty, if I’d have to synthetize the new state of my being, of
               Psychiatrist and, also, of educated man. Even though is unacceptable for the official orthodoxy,
               I  could  not  deny  what  I  really  experienced,  and  that  had  already  produced  an  appreciable
               transformation in my behaviour: it was notable for almost all who knew me, and is for this
               reason  that  they  supposed  a  post-seismic  shock;  that  I  «suffered»  a  type  of  psychological
               regression. All of sudden I had become «as a child»: «I laughed for any reason» and it seemed
               that «nothing worried me», such the reproaches of my friends and relatives, that revealed the
               particular regressive change of my character. But I was also turning cruel and ruthless, I knew it
               but I didn’t reproach it to me, because, as never before, I despised my life and life in general. I
               want to clarify that «that as never before» means «as never since I was adult» due to, and I knew
               this professionally, children, just as my re-born Self, were capable to kill without prejudice
               nor remorse.


                      Perhaps,  during  such  spiritual  rapture,  in  that  infinite  instant,  I  really  died  and
               resuscitated at its end, what implies a paradox due it can’t end what has no end, an instant that
                                                           453
   448   449   450   451   452   453   454   455   456   457   458