Page 453 - Microsoft Word - Belicena respaldo
P. 453
that a minute before sprouted from the Matter disappeared as well. On the contrary, the
Matter seemed to be subordinated to me. There was an idea that was flying in the ambient,
flowing likewise all the things, that I caught perfectly and that could be translated more or less
thus: –Now you are a God and nothing and nobody could resist to Your Will. What
happened here is a proof of your terrible Power! – This concept defines the «new sense»
that, just as I mentioned at the beginning, seemed to acquire now the Matter by effect of the
Vision: existed then, the manifested intention to connect causally the seism with my
recent spiritual rapture. But I didn’t let me deceive. I intuited that idea as a trap of the
Potencies of the Matter, a temptation, that for the moment was not clear but in which, later, I
would stop to reflect with profundity.
Essentially, after it, nothing had changed inside me, but I’d never be the same again:
only the relation of forces that maintained the Spirit and the Soul were altered by the effect
of the extra volitional force provided by the Virgin of Agartha. When I recovered the
consciousness about the reality of the World, after the contemplation of the Divine Image, my
Self was capable to dominate with singular potency the animic nature, as I never achieved
before, after years of yogi practices of concentration and mental control; and I was not
disposed to lose such power, that roles be inverted and the Self remain once again submitted to
the desires of the Soul. But that would not occur, I could assure it, because it was evident that
not only the Self went out strengthened from the spiritual rapture but the Soul went
debilitated permanently in what constituted its own essence: the feelings and emotions, the
love for life and its things, the good heart that I had always manifested and that prevented
me to use the violence to resolve the problems that hindered my path, all these warm passions
and many others, became colder rapidly, flickered and extinguished as the flame of the candle
that has consumed its wax. Certainty, if I’d have to synthetize the new state of my being, of
Psychiatrist and, also, of educated man. Even though is unacceptable for the official orthodoxy,
I could not deny what I really experienced, and that had already produced an appreciable
transformation in my behaviour: it was notable for almost all who knew me, and is for this
reason that they supposed a post-seismic shock; that I «suffered» a type of psychological
regression. All of sudden I had become «as a child»: «I laughed for any reason» and it seemed
that «nothing worried me», such the reproaches of my friends and relatives, that revealed the
particular regressive change of my character. But I was also turning cruel and ruthless, I knew it
but I didn’t reproach it to me, because, as never before, I despised my life and life in general. I
want to clarify that «that as never before» means «as never since I was adult» due to, and I knew
this professionally, children, just as my re-born Self, were capable to kill without prejudice
nor remorse.
Perhaps, during such spiritual rapture, in that infinite instant, I really died and
resuscitated at its end, what implies a paradox due it can’t end what has no end, an instant that
453