Page 406 - The Social Animal

388 The Social Animal

These issues are difficult to study scientifically. Nevertheless,
Clark and Mills, along with David Corcoran, have done some clever
experiments that succeed in capturing the essence of this important
distinction. In one experiment, for example, each participant was
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paired with either a very close friend or a stranger. The partner was
then taken to another room to work on a complex task. Half the par-
ticipants were told that, if their partner needed help, that person
would signal by flicking a switch that changed the pattern of some
of the lights in the participant’s room. The other half were told that
the signal meant only that their partner was doing well, didn’t need
any help, and would soon complete the task for a reward that they
would both share. The experimenters then observed how frequently
the participants looked at the lights to see if their partner was signal-
ing them. If the partner was a stranger (exchange relationship), they
spent far more time looking at the lights when they were told that it
meant they might be getting a reward; if the partner was a close
friend (communal relationship), they spent far more time looking at
the lights when they thought it meant their partner might need help.
In short, even in this rather sterile scientific setting, the investigators
were able to show that people in communal relationships are eager
to be responsive to the needs of their partners.

Love and Intimacy

Until now, my discussion has focused primarily on factors that influ-
ence our initial feeling of liking or disliking early in the process of
becoming acquainted. This does not mean that they are unimpor-
tant. Because first impressions are often lasting ones, they can be very
important indeed.
With the discussion of research on communal relationships, we
are beginning to edge into a more complex realm. We now turn to
the topic of close relationships, paying special attention to that com-
plex and delicious experience we call love.

What Do We Know About Love? When I was a teenager,
my friends and I clung to the romantic notion that there was one and
only one true love with whom we were meant to spend our lives in
passionate, romantic bliss. This belief was nourished by the popular
songs of the day. So I knew that “some enchanted evening,” I would