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But, asking open questions is not enough. You must reward the other
person for giving you valuable information by:

n Thanking them – “That’s very interesting, thank you.”

n Praising them – “You’re very generous (kind, brave, helpful,
honest, open – or my personal favourite description of other people
– gracious), sharing that with me. I appreciate your trust.”

n Smiling and making direct eye contact.

n Nodding.

n Paraphrasing key ideas to show that you are listening – “So you
think that there will be tough times ahead for your industry?”

n Asking for further information – “That’s very interesting.
Could you tell me a little more about that?”

n Maintaining an alert and interested posture.

n Ensuring that your posture, manner and mood are as close to
theirs as possible. (Students of NLP (neurolinguistic
programming) or of good old-fashioned social psychology will
understand that aligning your posture, mood and manner as
closely as you may to that of the other person without risking
offensive caricaturing builds an emotional sense of warmth
between individuals. My The Power of Influence goes into enough
detail to enable Richard Donkin of the Financial Times to write a
delightful skit, by way of a critique that compared some of the
advice in the book to the mating dances of grebes or ducks.)

n Asking further open questions to enable the other person to
expand on other areas that are of importance to them.

Semi-closed/closed questions

Use more focused or semi-closed questions to increase your control of the
conversation, reduce meandering and garrulousness and clarify your own
thinking. These are questions which clearly indicate the area which you
want the other to address without demanding a short or “yes-no” answer.

n Why precisely is it a problem that is particularly important to you
right now?

– What other factors make it most pressing today?

n What have you tried within the last year to achieve the outcome
that you are looking for?

– What has worked best for you?

– Are you still doing that?

n What led you to make a change in strategy (or tactics)?

n What would be your ideal solution? (This is either an open or a

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