Page 64 - The Art of Learning by Josh Waitzkin_Neat plip book

transitions to resilient concentration, fl di ty of mind, cont rol, leaps int o the
unknown, sitting with tension, the do wnw ard spi ral, bei ng at pe ace with

discomfort, giving into fatigue, emotional tur bul ence, and invariably the che ss
moves paralleled the life moment. W hen ever I no ticed a w eaknes s, I took i t on.
I also studied my opponents closely. Li ke myself, thei r ps ycho logi cal
nuances in life manifested over the bo ard. I woul d watch a rival tappi ng hi s feet

impatiently while waiting for an elevator or carefully maneuvering around hi s
peas on a dinner plate. If someone was a cont rolling person who like d to
calculate everything out before acting, I woul d make the chess position cha otic,
beyond calculation, so he would have to make that unco mfortable leap int o the

unknown. If an opponent was intui tive, fast, and hunger ing for abs tract
creations, I would make the position precise, so the onl y solut ion lay in pa tient ,
mind-numbing math.
When I was twenty-one years old and came back to America, I was more in

love with the study of chess than ever. The gam e had become endl essly
fascinating to me, and its implications stretched far beyond winni ng and losing
—I was no longer primarily refi ng the ski ll of playing che ss, but was
discovering myself through chess. I saw the art as a movement closer and closer

to an unattainable truth, as if I were traveling thr ough a tunne l tha t
continuously deepened and widened as I pr ogr essed. The more I kne w abo ut
the game, the more I realized how much ther e was to kno w. I emerge d from
each good work session in slightly deeper awe of the mystery of chess, and with

a building sense of humility. Increasingl y, I felt more tender abo ut my work
than erce. A rt was truly becoming for art’s sake.
Of course not everything was fine and dandy. Whi le per sonal gr owth ha d
been my focus in my life on the road, when I came back to America I was ba ck

in the limelight. Fans once again mobbed me at tour nam ents, and I was
expected to perform—but I was in one of tho se vul ner able stages of gr owth,
like the hermit crab between shells. Whi le my new phi losophi cal appr oach to
chess was exciting spiritually, it was also a bit under mini ng for a young

competitor. The youthful arrogance of believing I had the answers was go ne . I
was flexible and introspective but lacked that uni que character and dr ive to my
game that had made me a champion. As a lover and learner of che ss, I was
flying, b ut as an artist and performer I was all locked up.