Page 26 - flip book- How To Survive Baby Loss

How To Survive Baby Loss

to feel like no one can fully relate to you. Grief is not a linear
process. Contrary to what people say, it is not accomplished in
stages, like a stairway that you climb all the way up and then
you are done. It is more accurately described as a roller coast-
er. You are being taken where you don’t want to go. Grief has
twists and turns that are unexpected. Part of grieving is expect-
ing the high and then a crashing low. Those who avoid whip-
lash on this wild ride, do not fight the twists and turns, but sur-
render themselves to the process. Surrendering to the process is
crying when you need to, venting when the frustration comes,
and then taking the relief when it comes.

Grief is like losing a limb. The limb will never be regained.
You have to learn to live without it. For example, if you lost a
leg, after some time of acute trauma and healing, you might be
a candidate for a prosthesis leg. That fake leg helps you func-
tion more normally, but your motion will never be quite the
same. You will never have a nerve ending where that limb has
been removed, The endings will be triggered with pain often or
from time to time. This can normalize your experience. If this is
your experience, we can function slowly the same way one gets
stronger by learning to walk, by practice. Practice your balance
in grief. Be kind and gentle to yourself as you learn a new way
to function. With practice you will get stronger.

Grief is like ocean waves. They say, “grief comes in waves.”
I wholeheartedly agree with this analogy. In between the waves
that hit you, the tide will allow for rest and moments of peace.
Then another one comes, making you feel like you will drown
or sink in grief, and the tears keep falling. It can help you realize
what is happening when you liken your grief to waves. It will
feel better in time as there is emotional room for pain. Remem-
ber, just like a beach swimmer braces themselves for a crashing
wave, the calm will come before the next wave comes.

There are times that you may refuse food or have a decrease
in appetite. Maybe for you the struggle is emotional eating, tak-
ing comfort food to relieve your pain. Your mind may be racing
and struggling to let you rest. You may want to sleep a lot. Ei-
ther response is okay if not excessive or continual.

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