Page 29 - flip book- How To Survive Baby Loss

Triggers Here,Triggers There, Triggers Everywhere

Maybe you are angry at yourself, at God, at a doctor, nurse,
midwife or friends and family. Maybe you unexpectedly blow
up on those you love. You may feel like your body failed you.
This is when you may experience some self-hatred or dislike
for who you are, and blame yourself for what happened. The
topic of self-hatred is particularly important to me, because I
struggled with it. It’s a part of you wrestling with your identity
post child loss. I understand what you are going through if this
is your reality. It is very real and hard to manage. I understand
where the anger comes from.
Depression: Overwhelming sadness begins to set in as you
begin to understand the loss and its effect on your life. Some of
the signs and symptoms are: crying, loss of enjoyment in former
interests/hobbies, and sleeping too much or too little. Look out
for changes in appetite, particularly if you find you are eating
less. Often in this stage you feel overwhelmed, heartbroken, re-
gretful, and lonely. You will struggle with the feeling that peo-
ple do not understand.

Bargaining: During this stage, you dwell on what you
could’ve done to prevent the loss. This is the “shoulda, coulda,
woulda” thoughts. Thoughts like: “If only…” and “What if…”
You may also try to strike a deal with God. “If you will save my
child, I will…”

Acceptance: In this stage of grief, you accept the reality that
the circumstances can’t be changed. As you continue to come to
a place of acceptance, you will start living and healing.

Know that it is normal to be going through the stages and
then switch to a different one or have several at the same time,
for example you can experience denial and anger at the same
time. From my college education in the counseling field, I was
familiar with the five stages of grief. When I personally experi-
enced loss, I knew there was more to it and then I stumbled on
the book, “Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief” by David
Kessler. It is the stage where grieving people take lemons, and
eventually find a way to make lemonade or purpose from the
bitter lemon taste. David further explains this stage,

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