Page 57 - Meeting with Children Manual

Section 4

P a ge | 55

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The risk of this system may occur in
Mediator/ high conflict cases. By definition
Child
high conflict cases necessitate a
Consultant
stronger presentation of skilled
procedural fairness throughout the
process. The mediator role is to
Parent 1 Parent 2 provide a process whereby both
parties regard the facilitator as
procedurally balanced. When the
mediator is also the child
consultant, there is a risk that procedural fairness will be questioned if:
 The feedback from the children is balanced towards one parent over the
other
 The feedback requires the mediator to take a position whereby both
parents receive information that suggest that the children’s wellbeing is in
some way being compromised

Managing Parent Reactions to Feedback

The feedback provided to parents MUST be carefully delivered. Irrespective of the
Level of the parents according to the Parent Readiness Scale, criticism and perceived
criticism is likely to be received poorly.

Feedback appears to work best when it:
 Comes from a place of empathy
 Begins from the parents existing wisdom with respect to their children
 Identifies sources of resilience in the children (that is the things that the
parents are doing well and which could be continued)
 Prepares parents for difficult conversations in a private session if at all possible
 Paints concerns in terms of questions that engages each parent and their
observations about this
 Normalizes issues across the separated family population

Any defensive response, in others or even ourselves, come from a deeper feeling or
unmet need. The child consultant and mediator can respond to the changes that are
occurring in the room by asking “checking in” style questions of each party
“Mary I am wondering how you are feeling/what you are thinking about what Lorri is
saying at the moment?”
“Jack, I am wondering if you have any observations about what you have heard so
far?”

© The International Centre for Children and Family Law Inc. This material cannot be copied in whole or in part without the express written permission
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