Page 18 - Susan Taylor

Sports

Mom 101

By Brian Brunkow, Esq.

Moms are the glue of every sports program – she rocks the “mom walk” Basinger. After a 9-year marriage, Baldwin and Basinger waged war with
across the practice field when the “little ones” head for the sandbox. She an 8-year custody battle, involving $3M in court costs and legal fees, and
tirelessly organizes fund raisers for high school programs, and NCAA ninety plus court proceedings. Really?
recruiters know that mom is the “shot caller” for where her child will attend As a divorce lawyer, I’ve seen how difficult it is for a parent to take the
university. So for the new sports mom (no background in sports or former “high-road” when the ex is playing games and uncooperative. But please
athlete) it’s important to learn about these three areas: Mom’s role in youth remember the default position of doing what is in the “best interests” of the
sports, developing mental toughness in young athletes, and preparing for youth athlete.
the college recruiting game. And I wish I could say that being the “bigger person” miraculously changes
an ex’s bad behavior. Chances are it won’t. What it will do, however, is
Sports Mom Role: create a more positive experience for a child stuck between two warring
parents.
Align Goals. Not every kid plays sports for the same reason. For some
it is a passion. For others, it’s simply a chance to hang out with friends after Developing Mental Toughness in Youth Athletes
school.
Ask questions. Find out why your child wants to play and then align your Bad Game Protocol. An effective pre-game routine is to discuss specific
goals to support their goals. It doesn’t really matter if YOU were an all-state “worst case scenarios” with your student-athlete and talk about how they
“baller” back in the day because this is the child’s season and experience. will respond. Working through possible worst case scenarios beforehand
18 Too many parents try to relive the glory days through their kids or equate and accepting that mistakes will happen can reduce game-day pressure
parenting skills or status with their child’s athletic skills. This is especially and anxiety.
important for former college athletes who may not know just how difficult it Also, create space between a bad performance and post-game life lessons.
is for the “rest of us” to develop athletic talent. Let the sting wear off before offering constructive ideas for improvement.
Parent – Don’t Coach. Players play, parents support, and coaches Too many times I see parents replaying their son’s mistakes after a game
coach. Simple rules yet complex roles. Sports moms won’t agree with before they even get to the car! Give it 24 hours before having that conver-
every decision the coach makes. You may not like the coach, their style sation – the player will be less defensive and more receptive. Ask open-
of play or personnel decisions, but if you trust the coach with your child’s ended questions in areas the player has control over and can improve upon
physical and mental welfare then please allow the coach to coach. They like effort; attitude, intensity, concentration, and being a good teammate.
earned the title “coach” through many hours of unpaid time on the field Having these pre and post game routines is an effective way for sports
away from family, paying and traveling for coaching education and studying mom to support her young-athlete.
game films on the weekends. Be Present. The most common trait of mentally tough athletes is the ability
If you want to work with your child at home on technique definitely speak to to “get present.” When “present” the athlete focuses on process-oriented
the coach ahead of time and find out what technique to teach. But remem- goals rather than outcome, and channels energy on what they can control.
ber, the best way to be effective is to let the coach do the coaching and for There is a ton of youth sports psychology resources available: Research
parents to play the supporting role – be the emotional backstop for your that fits your parenting style – just make sure to use age appropriate strate-
child and provide unconditional support and encouragement for the ups and gies.
downs of youth sports. Seven Mental Roadblocks. If this is your child’s first sports season, re-
Divorce and Co-Parenting. (ALERT….Easier Said Than Done Sec- view those areas where he or she has struggled making progress outside of
tion!) Divorced parents should get on the same page with sports schedul- sports (school work, chores, etc). It usually involves a combination of these
ing and expectations. Use the “best interests” standard when determining seven roadblocks: procrastination; perfectionism; fear of failure; analysis
and allocating parental responsibilities. The goal is to achieve what is paralysis; limited comfort zone; indecision, or complacency. Expect to see
in the best interest of the child, not the parents. This includes the child’s these same roadblocks pop up in their athletic development. Develop a
emotional growth, health, safety, and physical care. I see the same prob- plan to keep them motivated.
lems every season with parents not communicating with each other – the The NCAA Recruiting Game
player shows up at football practice embarrassed because he is missing his
helmet between custodial transfers, or a parent routinely drops the player Academics. Grades count. “Core Course” requirements start the fresh-
off late to practice, or removes the player from the team three games into a man year of high school for NCAA athletic scholarship eligibility. Core
season to “show” their ex. courses are those that receive high school graduation credit in the following
Co-parents need to support the child’s athletic experience regardless of areas: English, math, sciences, foreign languages, comparative religion,
how toxic the relationship is between the “adults.” First map out the yearly and philosophy.
athletic schedule, including summer clinics, and then create a flexible Starting August 2016, for NCAA Division 1 athletic eligibility, your child
parenting plan that supports those sports commitments (not the other way must achieve a 2.3 GPA in 16 core courses before high school graduation.
Seven of those 10 core courses must be in English, math or science; and
around). "Jewels" Mixed Media on paper
One anecdote I share with parents every season is Alec Baldwin vs. Kim ten of the 16 core courses must be completed before starting the senior
year of high school. (See the NCAA Eligibility Center link below for details).