Page 47 - HaMizrachi02-04( #12)2019RoshHaShanaYomKippurUSA

PARENTING
Wait for
Spontaneity
any teenagers tend to
allow their emotions to
Mburst outwards, without
restraint or filtering. For example,
young people dance at weddings in
a way that expresses their feelings,
without caring what those around
them are thinking. When they get
together with friends, they express
their joy without restraint, and
the same holds with prayer and
religious fervor. They do not keep
their emotions inside. In a word,
they tend towards spontaneity.
Every character trait has associated
similar traits. Spontaneity is
a bedfellow of enthusiasm,
naturalness and authenticity, all
praiseworthy characteristics. Yet it
has other, less admirable bedfellows,
such as poor judgment and lack of
moderation.
The Talmud (Brachot 24a) relates
that in the early generations the
Jews’ prayers were answered
almost immediately and they
merited numerous miracles, even
though they did not know the
entire Mishnah. By contrast, later
generations, that knew the entire
Mishnah, would pray and fast
without meriting any response from
G-d.
Our Sages explain that the earlier
generations’ advantage was their
self-sacrifice for G-d’s holiness. For
example, Rav Ada saw a woman in
the marketplace who was dressed
immodestly. She was not Jewish,
but the Rabbi thought she was.
He confronted her and tore her
clothing. After it became clear that
she was not Jewish, he was required
to compensate her with 400 zuz.
1
Rav Ada asked her what her name
was and she said “Matun” [a word
Rabbi Elisha Aviner
which means both moderation and great fear of G-d. Spontaneity per
200]. Rav Ada then said, “Matun! se has little value. In someone
Matun! 400 zuz!” A strange story spiritually empty, spontaneity
perhaps but Rav Kook (in Ein Aya) is a recipe for corruption and
explains that the main point is to spiritual destruction. Spontaneity
emphasize the balance between is the natural behavior of children.
self-sacrifice, enthusiasm and Children, not yet having learned
spontaneity on the one hand, and self-control, respond spontaneously.
moderation and caution on the When they respond successfully,
other. their spontaneity adds special
charm. However, when their
The later generations stood out responses are inappropriate, their
in their wisdom and moderation, spontaneity can work against
their self-restraint and their them. An adult learns to conquer
cautious judgment, traits essential emotions and feelings, to regulate
for acquiring Torah. Indeed, they and direct them. Not every emotion
became great Torah scholars. By has to immediately burst outwards.
contrast, the earlier generations Over-spontaneity in adults generally
did not reach such a high level of attests to a lack of maturity or
Torah knowledge, but they had holy self-awareness. Moreover, even
fervor, self-sacrifice for holiness. spontaneity in holiness has limits.
As a result, their prayers raced For example, fanaticism is a kind of
skyward and were answered. True, spontaneity in holiness, and indeed
enthusiasm and spontaneity are the Torah does not encourage it
liable to cause mishaps, as occurred
in the story of Rav Ada. He was not except in rare cases.
moderate but spontaneous, and it The Torah does not reject
cost him 400 zuz and presumably naturalness. Its goal is not to
some public embarrassment too. suppress it or to turn us into
In pointing out the compensation, programmed robots. Naturalness
our Sages wished to teach us that is an important trait. It is an innate
the loss was trivial compared to force that propels us forward in life.
the gain of making a religious The Torah admires spontaneity, but
statement. All in all, the damage it demands that we take control of
amounted to some zuzim. Better it, regulate and direct it. We cannot
we should have spontaneity in allow our emotions to control our
holiness despite the mishaps, than intellect.
2
a way of life characterized by too
much moderation and little spirit,
enthusiasm and self-sacrifice for the 1
holy. 2 The currency at the time.
Of course, our religious enthusiasm
should not come at the expense of – or
So is spontaneity a blessed trait? through embarrassing – others, Jews or
Not necessarily. Our Sages did non-Jews.
not praise all spontaneity but
only that rooted in holiness and Rabbi Elisha Aviner teaches in yeshivot
self-sacrifice for holiness, such hesder and founded an organization to
as that of Rav Ada, who was an help parents with adolescent education
enormous Torah scholar with aviner@neto.net.il
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