Page 45 - HaMizrachi02-04( #12)2019RoshHaShanaYomKippurUSA

Daniel Verbov
This Year,
Preserve Your Parents’
Lives and Values… Forever
“When a parent dies, it’s the end.
I always wanted to chronicle the
family history with my mother… but
I wasn’t forceful and didn’t make it
happen.” (Robert De Niro)
person’s true wealth is not
their net worth. It’s the
A values, experiences and
memories that have made him or
her the person they are.
And so a book – or other documen-
tation – is an excellent way of pass- their lives.
ing on the true wealth your parents
or grandparents have accumulated
over a lifetime.
It’s a solid and sure investment in
your family’s future. And a way of
immortalizing your loved ones.
Because the truth is, if you wait
until “the time is right” and you
don’t do it, they won’t be around to
tell you. And they’ll be forgotten
after a generation or two.
I speak from experience.
For the first 20 years of my life, I
lived five minutes away from my
paternal grandparents, seeing them
almost every day.
Yet now, 30 years after they passed
away, the memories have faded and
my children know very little of their
lives.
On the other hand, my maternal
grandparents lived much farther
away and we saw them maybe three
times a year. But today they are a
living presence in my life and the
lives of my children.
The difference? A book. I wrote
a book about my maternal
grandparents.
“Spoken words fly away but the
written word remains” (Latin
proverb).
That’s a very Jewish idea too.
Why do you think G-d had the 10 the first thing his daughter said
Commandments engraved in stone? to me was, “Oh Danny, we are so
Because He wanted us to keep them grateful we did the book.”
for eternity!
Don’t wait until it’s too late.
And why did the Sages write down
the Oral Law? So it wouldn’t be dis- But it’s not about the book. Psy-
torted and forgotten. chologists in Atlanta found that
1
children – aged 4, 44 or 104 – are
My dear friends, I urge you to write more resilient, happy and rebound
down your own family’s “Oral Law” faster from stress when they know
– the values and principles that have their family stories. They know
guided your ancestors throughout they’re part of something bigger
than themselves that people in
I promise you it will become a price- their family have kept going for
less family heirloom. Something generations.
your children and grandchildren
will treasure for generations. And they feel a responsibility to
perpetuate those values.
Here are five reasons why:
Children lap up stories of what their
1. They’ll each have a copy of the parents were like as children, how-
book and know all about the ever mundane and undramatic you
values their ancestors person- may think they sound.
ified (whether they read it now
or in 30 years’ time). Why? Because children need to
know who they are connected to,
2. The book will strengthen their how they are connected, and what it
connection to their parents/ means to be who they are.
grandparents, and all that they
stood for. Writing it down strengthens that
connection and provides that
3. It will give you and your par-
ents pride, pleasure and peace clarity.
of mind. You and they will have
preserved all that is important.
No regrets. No guilt. So, if you’ve ever wondered how
your children and grandchildren are
4. Passing on their stories, values going to remember their forebears
and traditions to the next gen- in a meaningful way…
eration keeps parents vibrant,
active and contributing. If you keep putting it off, don't know
where to start or are just too busy…
5. It’s a healing, cathartic and
comforting experience. Not a Or simply want a very special birth-
closure but a celebration. day or anniversary gift…
I paid a condolence call to the Write to dannyverbov@gmail.com
family of a man I’d written a book and we’ll chat about a book to cele-
for. They and he hadn’t been par- brate your parents’ lives.
ticularly enthusiastic about doing it
and couldn’t see the value in it.
But after he was no longer, it 1 Marshall Duke, Ph.D., and Robyn
clicked. As I walked into the shiva, Fivush, Ph.D.
| 45