Page 112 - Likutei Tipshim

Thoughts to Ponder
Community
Looking for people to represent Chicago at the International Shukeling
Olympics. The team will be participating in the (ahava/yeira) back and
forth shuckle, the (sooth the baby) side to side shuckle, the (impatient)
left leg/ right leg shuckle as well as the triathlon which includes all three.
We are also looking for coordinated people to compete in the synchro-
nized shukeling event. If interested, contact Mr. Ken Hardley-Bestill
(choreographer, ben aliya, kavana man)
In order to silence critics on how the CDC arrives at its recommenda-
tions, we are sharing our scientific process. First, we check all available
data, (positivity rates, hospitalizations, number of critical patients). We
then balance those metrics with the national weather service to see which
way the wind is blowing.
48 hours left to win $100,000 or a trip on a private jet anywhere in the
world or a meal for two at the pizza shop of your choice. If you buy your
ticket within the next 5 hours your money will be tripled . Help us meet
our goal of $25,000,000 and support our important programming, such as
our upcoming Webinar: Living a spiritually focused life.
Coping with aging? This Thursday, the Fine Whine Institute is sponsor-
ing a support group with tips on how to age gracefully. Come and learn
practical tips like these: If you can’t think of a word, say “I forgot the
English word for it.” That way people will just think you’re bilingual.
Or say “I almost always go the extra mile”. They don’t have to know it’s
because you missed the exit.
Dr. A Seinyah OD (genius, humble, precise) announces the opening of
his eye clinic. He takes all types of insurance and gives the most accu-
rate and thorough exams. Looking for a good eye glass prescription? See
Dr Al B. Seinya today.
Wishing hatzlacha to Timothy Burr (florist, designer, horticulturist) on
his landscaping and tree removal business. No plant too small - no tree
too large. When you have a need for an Arborist, call Tim Burr.
The Democratic National Committee is pleased to announce
everything will finally go back to normal on February 30, 2023
Mr. & Mrs Fureal (parents, couple, cool) wishing good luck to their
daughter Candice ( daughter, mom, wife) on opening her imitation leath-
er and faux fur store. If your looking for almost the real thing, contact
Candice B. Fureal
Are you missing a family cycle event in a different country? Would you
like to be able to bridge the generations and distance? This Ador,
Dor l’Dor is here for you. We will pick up your food or gift from your
door and deliver it to your family’s door. Or we can supply the gift from
our special mehuDOOR section. Use coupon code: Ador’sDorlDormehu-
Dorfromyourdoortotheirdoor this Purim.
5 6
Would cannibals be treated better if they referred to them-
selves as humanitarians?
If a cow doesn’t produce milk, is it a milk dud or an udder
failure?
70% of the earth is water. That water is not carbonated. Does
that mean the world is flat?
In Memory
By the good citizens of the world in memory of common sense. It was
under appreciated while we had it and it will be forever missed. May its
memory protect us.
In memory of objectivity. Before there was your truth and my truth, there
was actual truth. After years of absence, you have been declared legally
dead. But we who believe in techiyas hamasim, anxiously await your re-
turn.
1. Our shmita question of the day. How do you refer to someone who
supports farming?
2. What’s grey and not very heavy?
3. In Hebrew, why is the word for face panim? Isn’t that plural?
ANSWERS
1. A protractor
2. Light grey.
3. Because many people are two faced.
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The contents of this publication have been certified Torah free. May contain
some trace elements of gematria. Written in a facility where people eat peanuts.
Money back guarantee: If this issue fails to produce at least one chuckle and/or
one smile, return to point of purchase for a fool refund.
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Prepared by people with too much time on their hands.
If you would like to sponsor an addition of Likutei Tipshim call
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Likutei Tipshim is attempting to keep up with the times and as such we will be
inserting preferred pronouns whenever possible. i.e. Adar
(me/she/me/she/me/she/me/she/me/she/me/she/nichn/us)
Disclaimer: We, at Lekutei Tipshim, wish to once again inform the public that we
are in no way affiliated, associated, or otherwise related to any institution or organ-
ization currently publishing similar types of periodicals, weeklies, etc.
PLEASE NOTE: We had a lot of brand new, very funny and extremely
clever jokes and vorts which we intended to include in this year’s Likutei
Tipshim. However, due to “Supply Chain” issues, they didn’t arrive in time.
QUESTIONS FROM IT’S NOT YOUR BUSINESS WEEKLY HOTLINE
Q. When I was growing up, Purim was such a fun and innocent holiday. We
heard megilla, wore costumes, made noise at Haman, delivered shalach
manos and acted a little upside down. Lately, Purim has gotten so serious;
Extra kavana for davening, an Yeshivas Mordechai Hatzadik during the
day, comparison of Purim to Yom Kippur. What happened to the Purim I
remember from my youth?
A Your question is one we get often these days. Rabbi Been Der (tzadik,
anav, gadol) in collaboration with Rabbi Dun Dat (shlita, ilui, mefursam), in
their sefer, Purim, “Mensch Tracht un Got Lacht “ ( JPS [Just Purim
Schtick] and Shocked books 2021) observe that in the “old days” the world
seemed somewhat orderly and logical. As such, when Purim came around,
we celebrated the miracle of vnahafochu. Our perception of reality being
turned upside down. We would celebrate by acting wild and crazy. Now
however, the whole world is upside down. Our Political leaders, college
professors and news sources are acting crazy and upside down ( Coca-Cola
promotes guidelines to 'be less white' / Professor apologizes to medical
students for being 'offensive,' saying 'only women can get pregnant' / Health
care workers who are vaccinated and test positive can go to work but
unvaccinated people who test negative can’t). In times like these, extra
learning and extra kavanah in davening is the only way to celebrate
vnahafochu.
Volume Loud * Issue 36 * March 17, 2022 * 14 Adar 5782