Page 113 - Likutei Tipshim

Thoughts to Ponder
Community
Looking for people to represent Chicago at the International Shukeling Would cannibals be treated better if they referred to them-
Olympics. The team will be participating in the (ahava/yeira) back and selves as humanitarians?
forth shuckle, the (sooth the baby) side to side shuckle, the (impatient) If a cow doesn’t produce milk, is it a milk dud or an udder
left leg/ right leg shuckle as well as the triathlon which includes all three.
We are also looking for coordinated people to compete in the synchro- failure?
nized shukeling event. If interested, contact Mr. Ken Hardley-Bestill 70% of the earth is water. That water is not carbonated. Does
(choreographer, ben aliya, kavana man) that mean the world is flat?

In order to silence critics on how the CDC arrives at its recommenda- In Memory This space left intentionally blank
tions, we are sharing our scientific process. First, we check all available
data, (positivity rates, hospitalizations, number of critical patients). We By the good citizens of the world in memory of common sense. It was
then balance those metrics with the national weather service to see which under appreciated while we had it and it will be forever missed. May its
way the wind is blowing. memory protect us.

48 hours left to win $100,000 or a trip on a private jet anywhere in the In memory of objectivity. Before there was your truth and my truth, there Likutei Tipshim is attempting to keep up with the times and as such we will be
world or a meal for two at the pizza shop of your choice. If you buy your was actual truth. After years of absence, you have been declared legally inserting preferred pronouns whenever possible. i.e. Adar
(me/she/me/she/me/she/me/she/me/she/me/she/nichn/us)
ticket within the next 5 hours your money will be tripled . Help us meet dead. But we who believe in techiyas hamasim, anxiously await your re-
our goal of $25,000,000 and support our important programming, such as turn. Disclaimer: We, at Lekutei Tipshim, wish to once again inform the public that we
our upcoming Webinar: Living a spiritually focused life. are in no way affiliated, associated, or otherwise related to any institution or organ-
ization currently publishing similar types of periodicals, weeklies, etc.
Coping with aging? This Thursday, the Fine Whine Institute is sponsor-
ing a support group with tips on how to age gracefully. Come and learn PLEASE NOTE: We had a lot of brand new, very funny and extremely
practical tips like these: If you can’t think of a word, say “I forgot the 1. Our shmita question of the day. How do you refer to someone who clever jokes and vorts which we intended to include in this year’s Likutei
English word for it.” That way people will just think you’re bilingual. supports farming? Tipshim. However, due to “Supply Chain” issues, they didn’t arrive in time.
Or say “I almost always go the extra mile”. They don’t have to know it’s 2. What’s grey and not very heavy? QUESTIONS FROM IT’S NOT YOUR BUSINESS WEEKLY HOTLINE
because you missed the exit.
3. In Hebrew, why is the word for face panim? Isn’t that plural?
Dr. A Seinyah OD (genius, humble, precise) announces the opening of
his eye clinic. He takes all types of insurance and gives the most accu- ANSWERS Q. When I was growing up, Purim was such a fun and innocent holiday. We
rate and thorough exams. Looking for a good eye glass prescription? See 1. A protractor heard megilla, wore costumes, made noise at Haman, delivered shalach
Dr Al B. Seinya today. manos and acted a little upside down. Lately, Purim has gotten so serious;
2. Light grey. Extra kavana for davening, an Yeshivas Mordechai Hatzadik during the
Wishing hatzlacha to Timothy Burr (florist, designer, horticulturist) on 3. Because many people are two faced.
day, comparison of Purim to Yom Kippur. What happened to the Purim I
his landscaping and tree removal business. No plant too small - no tree remember from my youth?
too large. When you have a need for an Arborist, call Tim Burr. ***********************************************************
Likutei Tipshim is not now and has never been associated with any fine institu- A Your question is one we get often these days. Rabbi Been Der (tzadik,
The Democratic National Committee is pleased to announce tions of higher learning in the city of Chicago or its environs. anav, gadol) in collaboration with Rabbi Dun Dat (shlita, ilui, mefursam), in
everything will finally go back to normal on February 30, 2023
Ideas? Comments? Send email to likutei-tipshim@juno.com their sefer, Purim, “Mensch Tracht un Got Lacht “ ( JPS [Just Purim
Mr. & Mrs Fureal (parents, couple, cool) wishing good luck to their The contents of this publication have been certified Torah free. May contain Schtick] and Shocked books 2021) observe that in the “old days” the world
daughter Candice ( daughter, mom, wife) on opening her imitation leath- some trace elements of gematria. Written in a facility where people eat peanuts. seemed somewhat orderly and logical. As such, when Purim came around,
er and faux fur store. If your looking for almost the real thing, contact Money back guarantee: If this issue fails to produce at least one chuckle and/or we celebrated the miracle of vnahafochu. Our perception of reality being
Candice B. Fureal one smile, return to point of purchase for a fool refund. turned upside down. We would celebrate by acting wild and crazy. Now

Are you missing a family cycle event in a different country? Would you THIS PUBLICATION IS STILL NOT A RECIPIENT OF THE JEWISH however, the whole world is upside down. Our Political leaders, college
like to be able to bridge the generations and distance? This Ador, FEDERATION OF METROPOLITAN CHICAGO professors and news sources are acting crazy and upside down ( Coca-Cola
promotes guidelines to 'be less white' / Professor apologizes to medical
Dor l’Dor is here for you. We will pick up your food or gift from your Prepared by people with too much time on their hands. students for being 'offensive,' saying 'only women can get pregnant' / Health
door and deliver it to your family’s door. Or we can supply the gift from If you would like to sponsor an addition of Likutei Tipshim call
our special mehuDOOR section. Use coupon code: Ador’sDorlDormehu- HUdson3-2700 ( if you don’t recognize this number, ask a native Chica- care workers who are vaccinated and test positive can go to work but
unvaccinated people who test negative can’t). In times like these, extra
Dorfromyourdoortotheirdoor this Purim.
goan over 60 to sing it for you). learning and extra kavanah in davening is the only way to celebrate
vnahafochu.

5 6 Volume Loud * Issue 36 * March 17, 2022 * 14 Adar 5782