Page 72 - Likutei Tipshim

Mega Cell Phone Co. is very concerned with the problem of
distracted walking. As such, as of March 9, 2012 all of our 3G &
4G phones will be equipped with air bags. By making this a stan-
dard feature, we feel we are demonstrating our commitment to
safety, helping you be physically in one reality while your head
is in another universe.

As anyone walking down the street these days knows, people are
walking way too fast for their own good. The city is terribly con-
cerned for the welfare of its citizens and as such we find a need to
set speed limits for sidewalks. In order to enforce a respectful
speed, we will be installing speed cameras on all major sidewalks
throughout the city. Be assured this has nothing to do with gener-
ating revenue and everything to do with safety.

United States Department of Health and Human Services has just
released a study that shows, people who are not happy in their
jobs tend to have higher instances of obesity and high blood pres-
sure. These medical conditions create a financial burden for all of
us Americans. We are pleased to announce that with the imple-
mentation of the Health Care Act in 2014, we will start giving
people aptitude tests and place them in jobs that best fit them. We
are sure that you will agree, that nobody knows what's best for
you better than the federal government. For more information see
our website: www.whatdoyoumeanintrusive.gov

Halachic Corner

Zmanim for 5772 (2012 ce)
TIME TO START SAVING FOR RETIREMENT
According to Charles Schwab When you turn 30
According to Leading Roshei Yeshivos What's retirement?
According to Day School Parents What's savings?

It has come to our attention that some people have been lax in

inyanim of basar b'chalav (mixing milk and meat). By that we
mean, they have taken to washing their fleishig tablecloths in the
same washing machine as their milchig cloths. While it is prefer-
able to have 2 separate washing machines (1 for meat and 1 for
dairy), if you are unable to do that, care should be taken to wait
24 hrs between loads. You should then run the washing machine
empty through 1 complete cycle. In a similar vein, you can now

request a 2nd garbage can from your alderman.