Page 26 - HaMizrachi #15 2019 Chanuka USA

MARRIAGE

Rabbi Moshe Berliner

Chanukah and Marriage:

Routine and Renewal

hy do we light Chanukah repeat themselves turn into habits balancing one’s own life with that of
candles? Pirsumei Nisa – is important and often very helpful. their spouse.
Wto proclaim the miracle Think of the energy it takes for a child
of finding the jar of pure oil with to learn to tie his shoes. It soon turns Understanding Chanukah can deepen
the High Priest’s seal. We place the into a habit and the child’s energy is our awareness of what is needed. Why
candles where others see them. Until free to conquer new frontiers. Things might the Sfat Emet tie the lighting of
what hour may we light the candles? that have no special meaning should the Chanukah candles to the idea of
For as long as they fulfill their purpose be turned into habits. The danger, the dangers of routine?
– “od shetichaleh regel min hashuk” – of course, is that things that need Because light symbolizes wisdom.
until there are no longer people in the thought, intention, dedication and
market place to be inspired by viewing care may also become routine and “Who is the wise man? He who
the candles marking the Chanukah thereby lose their essential quality understands the consequences of
miracle. of consciousness and intention. his actions.” A husband or wife
These things must remain special, realizes that the deepest meaning
The Sfat Emet adds a remarkable remembered and cherished. of their actions and words are their
dimension to the Chanukah story. consequences to their spouse.
He interprets the halachic phrase A central challenge to our spiritual They are wise because they treat
“od shetichaleh regel min hashuk” life is to develop the artistry of finding their marriage as a work of art that
metaphorically. He points out that the balance between the routine and they create and recreate every day
the word regel, foot, if read as hergal,” the new, the standard and the unique. through their actions. They are fully
means routine, habit. In his unique When done well, routine gives stability committed to the agreements and
reading, we learn that one also lights and security. Too much routine leads understandings that serve as the
the Chanukah candles to ensure that to boredom and stagnation. Newness bedrock of their marriage “routine.”
the central theme of Chanukah, the and change add vitality and renewal. They are also deeply concerned that
great miracle which was done for Too much change leads to instability. their marriage is filled with vitality
the Jewish nation, does not become This issue is central to marriage. and renewal. With this balance, they
routine. It is vital that the remarkable Marriage needs stability – living build their Shalom Bayit (marital
miracle of Chanukah not lose its together with the joint understandings harmony). They bring the Divine
powerful message of G-d’s miraculous which we’ve come to agree on. Two Presence to their unique marriage.
intervention in our lives.
individuals, often so different from We light Chanukah candles to
This idea is a central theme in each other, build their lives together. proclaim G-d’s miraculous presence
our spiritual life. We believe that The early stage of marriage is focused in our world. We build fulfilling
everything is from G-d. However, on the work of building their unique marriages to bring the Divine Presence
we are created such that things that marriage. This is not always easy but is into our personal lives.
repeat themselves become devalued. nonetheless needed to create the rules
We soon experience them as “just the and assumptions of their marriage.
way things are.” We lose our sense of However, it is important to remember
deep appreciation for the everyday that marriage also needs newness Rabbi Moshe Berliner is an author, M.S.W. and
miracles, because, well, they happen and renewal in order to maintain its therapist specializing in family and marriage.
every day. We take them for granted. vitality. That vitality doesn’t always His book “To Build and to Bond: Living Well in a
come automatically. It demands Jewish Marriage,” from Mizrachi Press, is now
This issue is complex. On the one thought, investment, knowing each available for purchase from Machon Netivot:
hand, the fact that things that other and the needs of the marriage, machonnetivot@gmail.com • +972-2-625-8325

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