Page 16 - HaMizrachi #14 2019 Chayei Sarah USA

MARRIAGE

Mrs. Mindy Eisenman

COMMUNICATION IN TANACH:
A Paradigm for Others

ommunication is a key element information and discussing the idea. acceptable at that time for Avraham
in any relationship, and particu- There is no account of dialogue taking to abandon Sarah (literally or figura-
Clarly in marriage. The Gemara place between Adam and Chava, which tively) and find another wife to bear his
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notes that Adam and Chava came into leaves us to wonder about the trust and children. Yet the Ramban notes that
being as a single creature with two closeness they experienced. This is also Avraham and Sarah worked together
sides, one male and the other female. seen when G-d tries to get Adam to through this challenge, with Sarah
Woman was created from Adam’s tzela, admit his guilt. Rather than shielding taking the leading role in the entire
his side, usually understood to mean his wife, he blames her for his actions. process. While Avraham showed his
“rib.” This could be taken in the sense This lack of clear communication, dedication to Sarah by allowing her to
of “side” as seen in the phrase tzela trust, and respect contributed to the take the lead, Sarah showed her dedi-
HaMishkan, the side of the Sanctuary. tragic events in the beginning of Sefer cation to Avraham by ensuring that his
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Rav Adin Steinsaltz explains that they Bereishit. dignity would be protected throughout
were created as one unit and then man the process. It was in the merit of these
and woman split and became two dis- Avraham and Sarah, the first family of efforts that they eventually were able to
tinct people. We can therefore under- Judaism, are the rectification of Adam bear their son, Yitzchak.
stand that the relationship between and Chava. Through many examples in
man and woman is a search to recreate the Torah we see their ability to com- Communication and miscommuni-
a lost ideal, because man and woman municate effectively. When Avraham cation seem to make the difference
are essentially two parts of one whole. asked Sarah na, please, say you are my between a relationship like Adam and
sister, he gives his reasons. He is afraid Chava and a relationship like Avraham
According to Rav Steinsaltz, in this for his life because she is beautiful. It is and Sarah. Active listening and hearing
first generation of mankind, Adam was a discussion, a request, not a command. what the other person is saying is key
commanded directly by G-d, while Avraham and Sarah were not just a to proper communication. Speaking
Chava received the commandment effectively and positively without blame
only through Adam. G-d commanded couple, but a unit. We do not see a man increases the bond that a couple estab-
who makes the decisions for the family
Adam, “Of every tree of the garden single-handedly with a subservient lishes at the beginning of the relation-
you may freely eat, but of the Tree of ship. It is important to set the proper
Knowledge of Good and Bad you must wife. Sarah worked alongside Avraham. tone to develop emotional openness.
Avraham respected Sarah and at times
not eat.” When Adam told Chava, he turned to her for guidance and deferred This is the difference between a deep
added the prohibition of touching to her. emotional connection and a relation-
the tree (according to the Siftei Cha- ship that develops over time, versus
chamim). Hence, when Chava talks to G-d tells Avraham, “Whatever Sarah a couple who are solely connected by
the snake, she states: “You shall not eat tells you, heed her voice.” There is a raising a family together. It is about
of it and you shall not touch it lest you recurrent mention of Avraham and taking the relationship to the level
die.” Sarah as a unit. They are depicted as where you feel you are truly an ezer
a team. The Midrash interprets the kenegdo. 4
Why did Adam add a prohibition?
phrase “The souls that they had gotten Adapted from an article originally printed in
Rav Yissachar B. Berman states that in Haran” as Avraham converting the YUConnects-To-Go.
Adam didn’t trust Chava to uphold the men and Sarah the women. They work
commandment and therefore added together with the same goals and a 1 Eruvin 18a.
that she may not touch it. shared ideal. Because they were able to
3
communicate so well with each other, 2 Shemot 26:20.
A blatant lack of communication. they were able to use those communi- 3 In his commentary on the midrash. In his
cation skills to teach others about ethi- book “Matnot Kehuna.”.
When a spouse speaks, we must truly cal monotheism. 4 Literally, a helper corresponding to him.
listen attentively. We must not hear Mrs. Mindy Eisenman, MSW, is the Staff
what we want to hear, but what is actu- When Sarah experienced fertility Connector at YUConnects and an adjunct
ally said. This is done by verifying the challenges, it may have been socially professor at Stern College for Women

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