Page 28 - ALIVE CODE

DARE TO BE A.L.I.V.E. - DON’T BE A D.A.S.H.

If I don’t get this job it will be awful (What is the worst thing that could
happen next?) That means they don’t want me and that I’m no good and
that I will never get a job! (What is the worst thing that could happen next?)

Then I won’t be able to support my family and they might leave me! (What is
the worst thing that could happen next?) I’ll be all alone with no one to

love me! That would prove I’m really unlovable worthless! What is the worst
thing that could happen next?) I guess that is the worst thing.

This process can help Pat contact his important fear about losing his family.
Better, it re ects his sense of inadequacy created by his self-judgment: I
would be worthless if my family left me because I failed to get a job.

ALIVE CODE encourages you to reevaluate the worst possible outcomes and
to recognize that disadvantageous Activating Events, like losing a job and
being alone, may happen. But (a) they probably won’t happen; and (b) if they
do, it is not awful, not the end of the world. Whatever happens, it practically
never means that you could not be happy at all.

Even very bad events, like career loss or death of a child, are not AWFUL or
more than 100% bad. When such misfortunes do happen, mourning and
grieving are appropriate responses, but depression and rage are not.

While unfortunate Activating Events do occur, and while your losses may be
great, you can help yourself by seeing that bad things often lead to some
good things, too. Thus, if you are rejected or deserted, you may nd strength
within yourself that you did not know you had and may learn new skills to
grow with.

Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy does not wish bad things to happen to
you, but realistically admits that they may well occur. So, learn to deal with
them. They are not awful, and realizing this can help you to change them or
get by fairly well even if you cannot change them.

ALIVE CODE
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