Page 27 - ALIVE CODE
P. 27
DARE TO BE A.L.I.V.E. - DON’T BE A D.A.S.H.
Do we really need to be loved or do we just very much want to be loved?
REBT holds that to a large degree we just want it. If you say to yourself, “I
need love and approval,” then you may create a dire “necessity” for it that
leads you to feel and act in ways that undermine your relationships.
Other people are not obligated to love you and it is unrealistic to demand
that they do. You will be more effective in your relationships if you admit that
you strongly desire, but don’t absolutely need, to be loved. Then you can
concentrate on giving love, and be less concerned about how much you
believe you deserve to be and presumably have to be loved.
The Worst Thing that Could Possibly Happen
All of us will be rejected by those we see as important and no one is
completely accepted by everyone. So ALIVE CODE believes that when you
are rejected, you can still refuse to make yourself miserable.
You can say to yourself and convince yourself, “Well, even if I am rejected by
almost everyone important to me, that hurts, but I can refuse to be totally
horri ed or depressed about it. You can still enjoy myself in several ways,
even though I don’t have the relationships I want right now.”
Looking at “the worst thing that could possibly happen” often helps you get
in touch with your miserable feelings and to change them.
Ask yourself, ‘What is the worst thing that could happen?”
After you answer that, you then ask, “What is the worst thing that could
happen next?”
If you keep up this process you will identify the very worst thing that could
possibly happen under certain conditions. Often this line of questioning
makes you aware of an important psychological theme like horror of death,
of separation, or of desertion, or you may become aware of your dire need for
approval, success, and comfort.
Consider this example of Pat’s self-talk about the worst possible outcome
before he goes into a job interview. Notice how one concern leads to
another.
ALIVE CODE
Page 26
