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Whenever you’re in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make
the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That
factor is attitude. William James.

Much of the success in conflict management begins with “you” before

starting to think about the party with whom there is conflict. The leader’s
individual and personal disposition toward conflict is one of the most
critical influences related to getting at conflicts early and effectively within
the organization. Therefore, self-awareness is a critical component of
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successful resolution of interrelationship problems. The more we are

aware of our own biases and "hot buttons," the more likely we can prepare
ourselves mentally, emotionally, and physically to respond in a preferred
way. Furthermore, when a conflict triggers strong feelings, a deep
personal need is often at the core of the problem. These needs can be a need
to feel safe and secure, a need to feel respected and valued, or a need for
greater closeness and intimacy.

A few questions we can ask ourselves to reduce our own issues related to a
particular conflict include:

• What are some behaviors by other people that tend to be difficult for

me to handle during conflict?
• How do I tend to respond when confronting such behaviors?
• How would I prefer to respond?
• What are some things that I can do for myself that help me develop a
more positive approach to dealing with others?

• Are there people in my work (or personal) environment that can help
me stay "on track" in when confronted with conflict?
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It is important for good leaders to be aware of their responses to conflict
situations. Because leaders to a great extent create the environment for
organizational behavior and effective interaction, they must recognize that
when conflict occurs it is their own behavior that sets the tone for how the
organization as a whole approaches conflict situations. Therefore, anything

167 Tim Porter O’Grady, “Embracing Conflict: Building a Healthy Community,”
http://www.unc.edu/courses/2009fall/nurs/379/960/M9%20motivation%20perf%20app%2009/porter%20o
grady%20embracing%20conflict.pdf.
168 http://www.ohrd.wisc.edu/onlinetraining/resolution/step1.htm.

David Kolzow 153