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• Focus on the present. If you’re holding on to grudges based on past
resentments, your ability to see the reality of the current situation will
be impaired. Rather than looking at the past and assigning blame,

focus on what you can do in the here-and-now to solve the problem.
• Pick your battles. Conflicts can be draining, so it’s important to
consider whether the issue is really worthy of your time and energy.
Maybe you want a particular parking spot by the office, but if it leads
to significant problems with others who also want that spot, perhaps
arguing over this space isn’t worth it.

• Explore options together: Be open to the idea that a third position
may exist, and that you can get to this idea jointly.
• Be willing to forgive. Resolving conflict is impossible if you’re
unwilling or unable to forgive. Resolution lies in releasing the urge to

punish, which can never compensate for our losses and only adds to
our injury by further depleting and draining our lives.
• Know when to let something go. If you can’t come to an agreement,
agree to disagree. It takes two people to keep an argument going. If a
conflict is going nowhere, you can choose to disengage and move on.

Resolving conflict effectively often requires setting up ground rules for the
dialogue. "Ground rules" are statements that reflect people's best
intentions regarding how they wish to treat one another in civil dialogue.

The greater the conflict and the more challenging the relationship problem,
the more complicated the ground rules tend to be. This is in part because
an implicit assumption exists that one person believes that the other won't
live up to these ground rules. In work teams, this becomes even more
complex, as several perspectives may co-exist in the group about what is

“appropriate behavior.” 174

The following ground rules are offered as illustrations in order to inspire
your work group or organization to develop rules that are appropriate to
your specific needs and situation. What is important is that you identify

ground rules that work for all parties as you attempt to negotiate solutions
to the conflicts before you.

1) One person speaks at a time.

174
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/eq8_conflict_resolution.htm.
David Kolzow 158