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Step One: Set the Scene

The resolution process should begin with a discussion to understand both
sides of the problem or issue. The people involved should understand that
the conflict may be a mutual problem, which may be best resolved through
discussion and negotiation rather than through aggressive tactics. In this

stage, it is imperative that both sides clearly define the outcomes they
want. The attempt should be made to define the things that both parties
agree on, as well as the ideas that have caused the disagreement.

If you are involved in the conflict, emphasize the fact that you are
presenting your perception of the problem. Use active listening skills to
ensure you hear and understand other's positions and perceptions.

• Restate.

• Paraphrase.
• Summarize.

When you talk, make sure that you are using a positive and mature
approach rather than one that is either passive aggressive, avoiding, or

dominating. It is important to use techniques such as ‘I’ statements (such
as “I am angry”) rather than “you” messages (such as “you make me
angry), which often helps to avoid blaming. Ask yourself, “how much do
my personal biases and prejudices affect the relationship involved in the
conflict?”

It is also important to ask yourself how much control you have with
respect to a particular conflict. A lot of energy can be spent attempting to
mitigate a conflict over which you have little authority or control. It is

much more productive to choose those “battles” that is worth the effort or
price paid and put your energy into things you “can do” rather than
complain about what you “can’t do.”

Step Two: Gather Information

Here you are trying to get to the underlying interests, needs, and
concerns of the other party or parties. Ask for the other person's

David Kolzow 160