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2) We will make a sincere commitment to listen to one another and to
try to understand the other person's point of view before
responding.

3) What we discuss together will be kept in confidence, unless there

is explicit agreement regarding who needs to know further
information.

4) We agree to talk directly with the person with whom there are
concerns, and not seek to involve others in "gossip" or "alliance
building."

5) We agree to try our hardest to come to agreement and trust that
others are doing the same within the group.

6) We agree to attack the issues, not the personalities or personal

sensitivities of the people with whom we disagree. 175

7) We will remain calm and will try not to overreact to difficulties.

8) We will be specific about what is bothering us, since vague
complaints are hard to work on.

9) We will deal with only one issue at a time, not introducing other
topics until each is fully discussed.

10) Rather than accusing each other, we will focus on how the
other’s actions made us feel.

11) We will avoid generalizations, eliminating words like “never”

or “always.”

By following these rules, you can often keep contentious discussions
positive and constructive. This helps to prevent the antagonism and dislike
which so often causes conflict to spin out of control. 176

To further facilitate the resolution of conflict, it is often helpful to follow this
simple but challenging step-by-step problem-solving approach:
177

175 http://www.helpguide.org/mental/eq8_conflict_resolution.htm.
176 http://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/newLDR_81.htm.
177 This is adapted from: http://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/newLDR_81.htm.

David Kolzow 159